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Teen Poetry #7
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Strider612
Junior Member
since 2003-12-21
Posts 46
Alabama, United States of America

0 posted 2004-11-25 06:55 PM



I’m sorry to say this now
But it’s simply been too long
I never was supposed to fall
But somehow that was wrong
I’m sorry that I have to go
And all you’ll have is just this note
But I think you need to know
And this is why I wrote

My soul is sore and broken
Held up only by my will
I’ve had to keep on fighting
And I know I’ve had my fill
When I called, you never answered
No one ever heard my cry
I’m being such a coward,
But it’s time to say goodbye

It’s been so long since I’ve heard
Even one kind, loving word
Wanting me to do things better
Guiding me with helping hands
I’m pretty sure I’m too far gone
To try to keep on hanging on
It’s not fair to you or me
But that’s just where life stands
I’m too tired now to hold on
But at least you’ll all know why
It’s hard to go on living
So it’s time to say goodbye

If you want to blame yourself,
I guess in part that’s fine
But in the end it was my choice
So the blame is really mine
If you think you could’ve stopped me--
Well, you’ll never get to try
I won’t go on much further;
It’s time to say goodbye

It’s been too long since someone cared
Since someone asked me how I’ve fared
Could things have worked out differently?
I don’t think we’ll ever know
Somewhere in life I lost my way
And no one helped me find the day
The night will finally take me now
It’s time for me to go
You all tried to bring me down
When once I was so high
I’m finally giving up now
Now it’s time to say goodbye

© Copyright 2004 Levi Pressnell - All Rights Reserved
~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
1 posted 2004-11-25 11:23 PM


whoa man, however deep this poem may be.... it is way too long! lol

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
2 posted 2004-11-28 02:37 AM


DC was right, it is long, but I think its length suits it. I especially liked the fourth stanza. You kept the repetition fresh, which isn't easy to do. Good write.
~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
3 posted 2004-11-28 03:09 AM


yeah this is a great poem though!
really heartfelt. i do like it. i'm just a lazy reader...

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
4 posted 2004-11-28 12:35 PM


Yeah, it was long, but I like long poems. Just look at the first poem I wrote, it's probably the same length.
I really liked this poem, alot. Great write Levi!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world
5 posted 2004-12-04 03:39 PM


wow ur good. I loved this, especially how you repeated "it's time to say goodbye" but you somehow made it new each time.  And the whole point of the poem..wow I could relate, very good job, I think I'm gonna keep this if you don't mind!

One day you'll ask which is more important, you or my life. I'll answer my life and you'll walk away never knowing you are my life.
¤*AIM- blueyed an

WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
6 posted 2004-12-04 08:32 PM


Im afraid to reply to this, I don't want to sound insincere. This is one of the best, heartfelt pieces I've read on here. It almost made me cry, and that's hard to do.
I hope if this is how you're feeling right now that things get better. Feel free to email me, Im always willing to listen.
This is going in my library, thanks for sharing.

But Im comforted
by the fact that I can hurt inside
all I want to
without anyone ever knowing
~WinterWren~

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
7 posted 2004-12-06 08:14 PM


I just reread this and thought I would say that, while I still think its magnificent, I don't like the repetition of "now" in the last two lines. Just thought I'd add that note as I add this one to my library
tearsoflove13762
Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent
8 posted 2004-12-07 07:13 PM


oh my gosh i am usually a "lazy reader" but this one kept my eyes locked to the screen! THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING! i also am adding this to my library
tearsoflove13762
Member
since 2004-09-05
Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent
9 posted 2004-12-07 07:15 PM


oh my gosh i am usually a "lazy reader" but this one kept my eyes locked to the screen! THANKS SO MUCH FOR SHARING! i also am adding this to my library
HopelessRomanticGuy
Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495
LI, New York
10 posted 2004-12-08 12:43 PM


Wow.  One of the best suicide poems ever written. Even if the topic is anything but happy, I'm glad I got the opportunity to read this one.  I felt this way recently, as well (see my post, "But Still It Remains").  It's not worth it, man.  Not even the attempt, however tempting it may be.  Anyway, before this begins to sound like an intervention, I'll  stop here.  Just know that this blows my poem away!


                            -Rich

"I'm burning in the heavens,
and I'm drowning in a hell.
And my soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell,"
  ~Take Me~ Papa Roach

Strider612
Junior Member
since 2003-12-21
Posts 46
Alabama, United States of America
11 posted 2004-12-08 04:11 PM


It's odd how one of my most brooding poems gets the most response.  I wrote it when I was really down (which might seem kind of obvious), but I don't think I'd be able to kill myself even if I wanted to.  I considered adding an ending to it that would've had something about regretting a decision like that, but at the time I didn't want to and I don't usually like to change things much after I'm finished.  I wrote it a while back; by the time I posted it I was out of a lot of that darkness.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback.  About the repitition of "now" in the last stanza:  I preferred leaving it in there.  Don't really know what else to say other than that.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
12 posted 2004-12-08 07:50 PM


Wow...This was awesome. My favorite lines were-
"My soul is sore and broken
Held up only by my will
I’ve had to keep on fighting
And I know I’ve had my fill"

Awesome. I'm putting this in my library.

"Cuz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away..."~ Seether

"I shut my eyes and hold my cries to myself"~ Taproot

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