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Teen Poetry #7
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LOSTinTHISworld
Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 94
canada

0 posted 2004-11-13 10:32 PM


i havnt wrote anything in a while due to my living situation the past few weeks and i just got out of the hospital....


i gave them everything
i did whatever it took
to put on smile on their face
forgetting about my own
i gave up my life
to give them theirs
they were my friends
and i cared about them
i thought they cared too...

imagine...

drugs
prostitution
starvation
insomnia
fear
anger
suicide

that has been my life
for the past 3 weeks
i knew it was wrong
i knew it wasnt me
but i couldnt stop
they knew i was sick
they knew i was suffering
but they didnt help
and for all i did for them
they didnt care
they just didnt care...

now imagine this...

a prostitute
a drug addict
a starving
angry
scared
suicidal girl
who hadnt slept
in 9 days

i had no where to go
no one to call
i was scared of people
of everything around me
i just wanted help
to rid myself
of this depression
to get a life back
that is worth living
to find friends
who will be there
when i am in need


i took myself
to the hospital
i knew i was sick
mentally
and physically
and thats what its there for
they were supposed to help me right
endless hours in the waiting room
alone
scared
but i had to do it
they admitted me over night
i had lost 30 pounds
i realized it had been
2 and a half weeks
since i had ate
they took alot of blood
i was already really weak
i couldnt walk
still scared
still alone
they admitted me into pysch ward
2 days later
it was the first time
i had felt safe
i knew i wouldnt hurt myself
while i was in there
i was finally feeling alright
i told them i wanted help
i wanted to get better
heres what they said:
"we're going to discharge you
theres nothing we can do."


thats the end of my 3 weeks
so tell me now
what i am supposed to do
i came home for the first time
in a long time
i dont want to kill myself
i want to live
but i am scared
i cant trust myself
i dont have much self control
worst of all
i am alone.

so tell me
where do i go from here?



~suicide is not so much the wish to die as it is the fear of living~

[This message has been edited by LOSTinTHISworld (11-14-2004 01:42 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 becky dudley - All Rights Reserved
~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
1 posted 2004-11-13 10:51 PM


are u on the verge of a nervous breakdown? what sould you do???

Pray!

           ~Express Yourself~
          

LOSTinTHISworld
Member
since 2003-06-01
Posts 94
canada
2 posted 2004-11-14 06:16 PM


thanx for the advice, as much as ive never really beleived in anything i'll give it a shot

~suicide is not so much the wish to die as it is the fear of living~

~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
3 posted 2004-11-16 05:56 PM


good! ill pray for you too!

           ~Express Yourself~
          

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2004-11-16 08:34 PM


The problem with being a teenager is that we're cramming so much learning and growth, so much change and experience into a tiny amount of years..

this is where teenage angst comes in........ you can't just look at life and fear it. You cant just live everday fearing that ALL and EVERYTHING is not worth it, that YOU aren't worth it because...you so are.

You might want to seek some professional help, a psychologist maybe, with a speciality in teenagers with depression.

Talking about your issues has been proven to work almost as effectively as medicine such as prozac and xanax- the benefit of talking to some one and not taking pills is: no side effects and you get things off your chest.

Develop a relationship with someone you trust. If you want to be happy then take the necessary steps to enable such an outcome.

You can do this!

It's never too late.



"One good thing about music: when it hits you feel no pain"- Bob Marley
~I am Trance~

punkrockerrobin
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
5 posted 2004-11-16 08:36 PM


oh man are you ok? this is very sad. hope you're ok and all is well.
robin

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt!
"and we'll all float on ok....." - modest mouse
aim - reklesabandnrckr

~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
6 posted 2004-11-16 09:39 PM


Dr. Dopey...
lol nah!

           ~Express Yourself~
          

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495
LI, New York
7 posted 2004-11-17 12:50 PM


.... don't really know what to say to this.  hard to be lighthearted in the face of someone so desperate.  I'd pity you, but that would do nothing to bolster your strength, besides, pity is only a cheep excuse from those who lack the will to care.  No real need to sacrafice your life.  Just look deep inside, there's a strength in there that you probably never knew existed; you need only grab it and let it help you.  The truest strength we all posess comes from deep inside and only comes out when we think we've nothing left.  If that's not enough, then I think for all of us when I say we'd all be there to listen, just pop an email to anyone who replies, and they'll probably do there best to help, though distance be a hindrance.  You're not alone.  Not here.

[center]"I'm burning in the heavens,
and I'm drowning in a hell.
And my soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell,"
[i]~Take Me~ Papa Roca

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
8 posted 2004-11-17 07:14 PM


You're a strong girl becky.
I'm here to listen as well...e-mail me if you want...

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*   My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667
New York
9 posted 2004-11-18 01:06 PM


I know you don't know me but I am here for you. And I care. I've been close to people who have been in similar situations and I have been working with a program that helps teens deal with issues like suicide. They can help you, but you need support. I am willing to help you.  

If you need to talk to a friend my email is kellie.cantrell@gmail.com

If you would like to anonomously talk to a counselor that is willing to help teens you can call toll-free to 1-800-suicide (7842433)

They are very helpful at that number, they can even provide you with places to go for help near your home.

Becky, We are all here for you. Just lean on us. God Bless you and you will be in my prayers.

Smile

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