the blackness of your heart.

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electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2004-10-28 08:52 PM

your eyes flash all over my body as you
count my every goose bump.

your hands feel clammy, i believed you.

it was not where i planned to be, caught
up in the city lights while holding your
heart in my hand.

your breaths were tattooed on my sun
shine.

i told you that i really don’t dance. but you
grabbed my hand and we fell into the lake.

your blue veins strangled me before i could
gasp those pretty,

sick,

words.

close your ears and take a deep breath.

you don’t deserve me.

i could be an accident, but i'm still trying.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-10-29 08:54 PM

I love the visuals in this one.
stunning writing.

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

2 posted 2004-10-30 12:48 PM

Have to agree, with Lexi on this one, the writing was truly stuning. Still can't reach that level in my own work. Glad to have had the chance to read this.

-Rich
Winamp is Playing:
"Getting Away With Murder"
Papa Roach
Getting Away With Murder

Part of knowing where I'm going
is knowing where I've been
~Rich~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

3 posted 2004-10-30 11:56 AM

this poem is just absolutely amazing...you've got so much talent.

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:* My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

~DreamChild~
Senior Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 544
in your dreams

4 posted 2004-11-13 10:57 PM

i like how this one started out.

~Express Yourself~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2004-11-14 09:12 PM

WOAH!

this poem rocked completely. VERY VERY well done.
I liked when you chopped up the lines and made them into a single word. VERY POWERFUL tool right there

The last line hits hard too. I wasn't expecting it, so it was a surprise, to say the obvious.

Very well done.
i am thoroughly impressed.
keep it up!

"One good thing about music: when it hits you feel no pain"- Bob Marley
~I am Trance~

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

6 posted 2004-11-16 12:15 PM

good write. keep on sharin.
robin

hi my name is robin and i am addicted to poetry and matt!
cody saw some pigs so he tried to fly but he fell and went BOOM!

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