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Teen Poetry #7
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young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-10-25 01:34 PM


[UntTITLed] Invisible Crafts

The silky night sky
Has a double-mind tonight.
It's upper torso lies exposed
Shining bright freckles above my nose.
One eye looms like hopeful doom,
Pointing out the unbridled groom.

The flat black sky
Has a double-mind tonight.
Lower legs cower behind
The anger of October fights.
Ruffles line the midnight dress
Hiding jewels among the mess.

Blow me over,
Please blow over.

© Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved
Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
1 posted 2004-10-25 04:58 PM


I love how it flows.
and the length is perfect.

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
2 posted 2004-10-25 06:56 PM


Alex, I know that you like critiques, but I find nothing that I could do to improve this poem...it is already amazing.

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*   My Journal
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
3 posted 2004-10-25 09:34 PM


thank you both
Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
4 posted 2004-10-25 09:44 PM


the length on this is perfect, it helps establish the feeling. It's awesome Alex, just awesome.

so much (3) is up.. if you can find it/want to read it.

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
5 posted 2004-10-27 12:28 PM


thanks allysa

~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams
6 posted 2004-11-13 09:04 PM


this is great man! i really like it!

           ~Express Yourself~
          

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
7 posted 2004-11-13 11:15 PM


thank you...
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