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Teen Poetry #7

It's time

layla
Member

since 2000-11-19

Posts 74

0 posted 2004-10-08 10:54 AM

I must confess
my life has been a mess
my heart body and soul all feel broken
I do not feel whole -The devil has broke in
inside of me and snatched my sanity
and my peace
and my ability to breathe
and my dignity
has been scattered like leaves
taken by the wind
along with my innocence
and the sad part is
I never held it tight
never put up a fight
I let it go with ease
fell down to my knees
begged God please- its
Time I need Jesus

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-10-09 06:52 PM

I love it, the only thing i can say is to take out the ANDS at the beggining and The rhyming is a little forced. Otherwise, i really liked it.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2004-10-09 09:27 PM

I agree with Karissa about taking out some of the 'and's...but either way, I really enjoyed reading your poem.
Thanks for sharing!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

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