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red_angel*16
Member

since 2004-09-04

Posts 71

0 posted 2004-09-29 06:21 AM

I thought we were over
I thought we were done
I thought we said our last good bye
but really we've just begun
I pushed you away cause I felt afraid
but we both know I did it cause of you
I miss us holding hands and just holding each other
the way we smiled, the way we laughed, and
said we loved one another
but the thing i miss the most is
the safety I felt in your arms
the way I inhaled your deep sent
and disolved with all you charms
I know you wish to be alone
and that I can respect
but now I know how much I love you
which I cant neglect
I stare at you in class though
you hardly notice my gaze
and when I try to greet you
you turn and walk away
I know you dont want to hear it
but we both know its true
I know you dont want to believe it
butI still want to be with you...

Stepharoo
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 149
Washington, USA

1 posted 2004-09-29 10:36 PM

I think this is a really cute poem. I hope things get better for you if this was written from real life.
Great Job.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2004-09-30 07:01 PM

Enjoyed it...but I have just a few suggestions...

Well I saw some spelling errors in it, maybe you should go back and edit them.
Also, I think it would make your poem better if at the end of each line, or sentace or thought if you would but puntuation. JMHO, but I think it would make the poem better.

As I said before, I enjoyed it very much.
Thanks for the read!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

3 posted 2004-10-03 02:10 PM

This was sweet, and sad.

I know what you mean, i did the exact same thing, but i havent tried to talk to him, because some of it was his fault...

I mean i pushed him away, then after a week, i couldnt even look at myself in the mirror so i called him, and we talked. Then, he turns around the same night, and lies to me. I am not gonna go into detail or nuthin, but yeah. Ever since that night, we havent talked...It makes me sad, because i really love him. even now.Sometimes, i'll start to think about everything, and i just wanna cry, even if its a good memory.

Anyways....i loved the poem. I hope things work out.

Karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

4 posted 2004-10-07 06:56 AM

hey angel
this is beautiful. your work is growing and becoming better with each post you do.
this is something we all know and have dealt with at some stage in our lives. as short as some have been. i am going thru this now also. i know ow you feel and the only thing i can say is keep your head high no matter the amount that you have weighing you down.
keep up the writing
always around for a chat.
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

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