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Teen Poetry #7

Someday

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

0 posted 2004-09-21 10:47 PM

Someday,
You will understand me,
you will know who I am,
and hold my hand.

Someday,
You will learn to listen,
you will walk beside me,
and hold my hand.

Someday,
You will laugh with me,
you will kiss my cheek,
and ask to be my man forever.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2004-09-21 10:56 PM

I liked it...it was simple, which I liked.
The only thing I didn't really like was that you repeated about "holding your hand" twice. Maybe you could put something different instead of the second one, instead of repeating...? I dont know, I'm not saying that it made the poem bad or anything, I just didn't like the repeat.

But overall, nice job...thanks for sharing!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

2 posted 2004-09-25 12:08 PM

I agree with Alli, the repeat kinda threw me off but over all nice job, very short and simple.

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

3 posted 2004-09-26 12:09 PM

oops! actually that was not supposed to be there! typo!!! i was revising the poem off the paper onto the computer and got messed up but ill be sure and re-post it later on when i have a chance thanks for pointing that out!