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Teen Poetry #7

You Kissed Me

Peach
Junior Member

since 2002-11-17

Posts 33

0 posted 2004-09-20 11:15 AM

I didn't think that love made you blind
I thought only the blind would fall in love
but then you kissed me

I thought love songs were
only about other people
but then you kissed me

I thought I had already been
as happy as I would ever be
but then you kissed me

You told me it had to be over
and I couldn't breathe
but you couldn't kiss me

I sat alone crying
harder than I've ever cried before
but you couldn't kiss me

My world came crashing down
I'd never felt more alone
but you couldn't kiss me

I'd be okay
I'd have my happiness back
if you could only kiss me

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-09-28 05:03 PM

Good write, a little bit of metaphors or similes wouldnt hurt, butas far as being a decent, solid poem this is good. But metaphors would make it a lot more interesting.

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

2 posted 2004-09-30 07:05 PM

I agree with Kissa about putting some metaphors in, but wither way I enjoyed this poem.
Great work! I can't wait to read more!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2004-10-23 10:10 PM

well i diagree. I think this is a wonderfull poem full of feelings. angry,sad,confused feelings! aand this was probably not writen to please the reader. im guessiing you wrote this for yourself, to help get out those feelings. you did a good job! thankx for sharing

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