lets just say goodbye to this one.

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electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

0 posted 2004-09-16 03:44 PM

don’t hypnotize her this time.

she’s already trying to make friends
with the fireflies and the stars aren’t
exactly helping.

praying to god to find her way home
and not by just the light in his eyes.

her flower skirts and long term plane
rides give her some kind of hope no
one ever bothered to share.

the stains fell all over her hands and
no one was ever there to shout out,
‘clean up in aisle three.’

and she frowns at the thought of eating
in another dim lighted restaurant full of
people who know their way.

she’s just sorry this time. but apologies
were never her cup of tea.

[[her inspiration was her rainfalls full
of the imagination and beautiful love
everyone was too scared to express.

her inspiration was his hands and how
they knew exactly when to hold her;
never a beat behind. ]]

her tears were the real ones. not the ones
bottled up and saved away for dusty boxes
and storage reasons.

hand her another box of tissues because she
was never fake enough to pretend in smiling.

she lets the whole entire world know that
she’s lovesick. and guess what?

she’s proud. but never again would she step
outside and rely on the stars to make up her
dreams.

we all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we really are.

PoeTik JusTice
Member

since 2003-01-05

Posts 186
California, USA

1 posted 2004-09-16 06:12 PM

I don't know why no one has commented on this poem yet! I really enjoyed it, very well written, it made me think a lot, and thats good! The only thing I have to say, is the beginning was a little awkward, but thats it!

Dare2Dream!

XoXo Love Alwayz XoXo
*~Serena~*
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." --Moulin Rouge

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

2 posted 2004-09-17 08:26 AM

this is beautiful..... i agree that the beginning is a bit akward but that just makes the poem....

her tears were the real ones. not the ones
bottled up and saved away for dusty boxes
and storage reasons.

hand her another box of tissues because she
was never fake enough to pretend in smiling.

these are my favourite lines... they mean soo much to me...
again beautifully written
keep em comin
Ruth

live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever......

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-09-17 09:50 AM

i agree. this is pretty good. there were a lot of great lines in here. you made what is cliche, somehow new and refreshing. there are a lot of slow spot or too blatant spots, if you clean those up, it'll be great.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2004-09-17 08:58 PM

Well I'm going to have to with everyone else. At the beginning I had my doubts that I would like this poem, but when I got to the middle, I was like "woah!"

The middle to the end of the poem was amazing. The beginning was like other people said, awkward.

Overall though, I really enjoyed this poem and it's going into my library!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

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