Blackmail As An Artform (incomplete)

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Teen Poetry #7

Blackmail As An Artform (incomplete)

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-09-13 10:12 PM

Blackmail As An Artform

A man walks along Dirge Drive,
Where rain falls as stuttered sunlight,
And pools of oily darkness collect in gutters
Disturbed only by a footstep's occasional mutter.

The man's collar curls into a smile of sorts
To turn away the damp and dry at war.
From 6 o'clock you can see
The word "forever" begin to bleed,
Racing down slumped shoulders
Causing friction but growing colder.
The letters spill onto the street and melt
Into thick words that do not flow well.

The cowered assassin signals darkly,
Feeling his evil power inside tingling.
To the right, Hope Street lies,
Then suddenly, blinds watching eyes.
In the words of the man unseen
"Burn Hope, burn till you scream."
Back to that smile, cotton creases
Show the age of devi-made leases.

well thats all i have so far. let me know what you think and where it should go. i kinda have an idea, but i'm not sure.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-09-15 09:25 AM

hmmm, I like it.
doesn't feel unfinished to me.
I'm at a lack for an intelligent response, due to drowsiness.
excuse me.
yawn.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2004-09-15 10:36 PM

thanks, anymore?

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

3 posted 2004-09-16 03:38 PM

well, well.

i actually really enjoyed this piece although i also think you could add a little more to the ending.

this part:

'From 6 o'clock you can see
The word "forever" begin to bleed,'

really struck something inside of me because the way you described forever as bleeding was an awesome concept.

hope you keep writing

kelly.

we all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we really are.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2004-09-16 09:35 PM

yes more will be added to the end, i just need to finish it. i'm glad taht you enjoyed it.

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