Grab An Oar (I Hope Your Arms Are Stronger Than Mine)

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Teen Poetry #7

Grab An Oar (I Hope Your Arms Are Stronger Than Mine)

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2005-10-13 01:56 AM

there you are standing all alone
on an ocean gone wrong,
the ground dashing itself
against your ankles...(excellent sea legs darling)
pull your ears out again as my
words drown in a league above the sea,
you're awfully calm for all the sinking
we're doing...(what? we're doing what? what we're doing is...)
obscene.
sometimes i wonder if i love
you at all

but they're only words
So we might as well let go.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2005-10-13 08:32 PM

I really liked this poem, you are excellent. I'm going to store it in my library.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

2 posted 2005-10-15 01:15 PM

thank you very much.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2005-10-20 07:39 PM

anymore comments?

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

4 posted 2005-10-31 07:37 PM

mmmm. I like this, I like the whole relation to the sea.

sometimes i wonder if i love you at all but they're only words
So we might as well let go.

I really liked these lines...

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2005-10-31 10:39 PM

oooooooooo thank you lexy.

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

6 posted 2005-11-03 11:27 PM

I enjoyed the use of all the paranthetical lines in this. It sort of brought out a subtle intensity to me. enjoyable write, sir.

-John

nice use of muffin

electricxheart
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 184
far away from home.

7 posted 2005-11-06 12:02 PM

I love the way you write.

' sometimes i wonder if i love
you at all

but they're only words
So we might as well let go.'

These parts stood out to me and seemed
to say so much.

keep on writing.
--kelly

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

8 posted 2005-11-06 12:03 PM

another excellent piece my friend. look into trying to get something published yet?

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

9 posted 2005-11-06 01:41 PM

once again thank you all for the support and wonderful remarks. i have not yet looked into it. i have a connection at Purdue, so maybe something will happen. thanks again all.

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