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Teen Poetry #7
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Deindorfer Park
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Deindorfer Park |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going 
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Deindorfer Park a small child curly brown hair and curious blue eyes wearing a striped sweater that his mother's love had sewn He could have no more than 3 years of life in his body plays in the dirt by a swingset proclaims and exclaims "Mommy look what I made" as he points to his hole A teenager dressed in all red spray paints an explicit symbol across the trunk of a tree laughs and smiles as a group of blue approaches vulgar comments are slung through the air as glock nine millimeters are drawn bullets tossed carelessly through the air as the boy in red runs from the wooded are he had defiled A small child curly brown hair and blue eyes wearing a striped sweater that his mother's love had sewn cries out with a tear drenched face "Mommy help me" as he falls face down in his hole A park once green now stained with crimson dotted with gray slate and tears of mothers who outllived and buried their children is now a place of death and stands as a testament to the coldness of a violent world i wanted to try a new style to kind of change up my writing a little bit so i chose a sort of narrative poem format. Please give some comments to help me make this poem better. nice use of muffin |
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| © Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dodge_chick2003 Member
since 2004-01-18
Posts 136California |
I dont really know what to think right now. This poem was really sad, especialy for me my little brother and I were actually visiting in Flint Michigan and he got shot, but thankfully he survived. This poem was really good. Keep up the good work. (Some people might not know that you are talking about the bloods and the crypts thou) |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
thank you for the comment. Yeah i looked at the poem after i wrote it and found that the group in blue could also mean the police. Thankfully you saw that it was the bloods and crips nice use of muffin |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Wow! How could only one person have replied to this poem so far?! This poem was just so sad and depressing.  The part that really got me crying was this:"A small child curly brown hair and blue eyes wearing a striped sweater that his mother's love had sewn cries out with a tear drenched face "Mommy help me" as he falls face down in his hole" Great write. I really enjoyed you writing in this style of poem. Keep Writing!!! ~Alli~ I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughter would make me cry. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
I am going to bump this up for you becasue I really liked this poem alot and I think that it should get more than two comments. JMHO though...  ~Alli~ *:.AIM = Alli4000.:* Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened... |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
wow you definitley did pull this from the depths. thankyou very much for that kind gesture nice use of muffin |
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