»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
You left me there to die
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
You left me there to die |
|
|
Snickers123 Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 94United States-Iowa |
I wrote this out of anger, it's not the greatest, so if you have any suggestions let me know!! ~You left me there to die~ When I needed you why weren’t you there? I needed your arms so badly, I was crying, flooded in my own tears, of all the people I thought you’d be the one standing near, with open arms, and love in your eyes, You let me down, standing all alone, left there dying, lying on the ground, what happened to that… ”shoulder I could cry on” and “I’ll be there when you need love the most” you lied! You left me all alone, you don’t know how bad you hurt me, I’ll never be able to forgive, I loved you and you let me down, standing there crying, with my cat in my arms, hugging her tightly and picturing you hugging me, You don’t know how horrible I feel; I guess you don’t really care, Go ahead, sit there hugging her dear, its killing me inside, But I know if I stay with you all I’m gonna do is die, You’re a silent killer, Even you know its true, I’m broken in pieces, Your love shattered me in two, My hearts still there… Lying on the ground… Waiting for the day you’ll see it and say you love me too… ~*.:Leah:.*~ |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Leah - All Rights Reserved | |||
*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Go ahead and rant it out, sometimes it is the best way to heal. I would change soemething about the last line though, it throws the flow of the poem off right at the end. Other than that I thought it was rather good, great use of all that emotion, well done. ~Live and Laugh~ Don't look to me for perfection for I will surely let you down. |
||
|
tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
You’re a silent killer I loved this line. Very good poem, I could really feel all emotions in it but I agree with the above, the last line kind of threw off the flow. Great job! Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't. |
||
*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
It's great that you were able to get your all your feelings out and just rant.  ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
