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infinite disaster
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 69
Illinois

0 posted 2004-08-05 12:14 PM

I wrote this poem for my boyfriend and yes, it is corny, which isn't really my style of writing. But I would like to know what you think about it.

Lying underneath the stars
That stretch out for miles
Wrapped in your arms
That protect me from the world
The crisp wind gently blows
Against my skin
As your lips
Touch mine
You gently brush aside
The hair from my face
And your brown eyes
Silently tell me you love me
And for that moment
Everything is perfect
I close my eyes
And listen closely
To hear you breathe
Forgetting about the past
The world stops around us
Fallen leaves dance around
As you pull me closer
Not sure if this is a dream
That I will soon wake from
I tightly grip your hand
And embrace the smell
Of your colgone
I look at the stars
And wish upon every one
That your love will last

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-08-05 02:29 PM

I thought this was beautifull.
It wasnt too corny...~Lol~

The imagery was good, and the ending was great..

Karissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

2 posted 2004-08-06 04:31 PM

Yeah I agree with the above, very cute. I loved the imagery. I think some of the best poetry is poems that can paint a picture for the reader. Good job!

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

3 posted 2004-08-07 02:45 AM

I wish my girlfriend did something like this to me. When I write her poems, she does not really care and see how much thought and energy goes into writing a poem.

I speak insanity. I write fantasy. I sleep reality.

infinite disaster
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 69
Illinois

4 posted 2004-08-07 01:57 PM

thank you so much for your replies. they mean a lot to me ... that sounds corny. lol.
*akie*

Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you?

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2004-08-28 09:32 PM

This poem wasn't corny! It was really sweet and cute and yeah...i loved it!

I'm gonna put it in my library, hope you don't mind!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

Sweetest Sorrow X
Member

since 2004-01-19

Posts 146
From a cradle to a casket

6 posted 2004-09-12 02:21 AM

Shame on you for calling that corny!!! I dont know maybe im a helpless romantic or some **** but I think that is so beautiful. I think its just amazing. i loved that poem. Thanks
<3
Persephone

I believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather and left there to drownin their innocence

tearsoflove13762
Member

since 2004-09-05

Posts 488
Texas.. and yes i have an accent

7 posted 2004-09-12 02:40 AM

wow! i saw every image in my head! it was awesome!
laura

infinite disaster
Member

since 2003-06-01

Posts 69
Illinois

8 posted 2004-10-05 03:06 PM

awww ... thanks for the encouragment !

Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you?

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