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Teen Poetry #7
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Will you marry my Goodbye?
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Will you marry my Goodbye? |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN 
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The wind blew hard that night in Warsaw And soothing words were lost. (Not for the first time.) The temperature was normal for that time in fall. Just warm enough not to freeze. Somehow, gravel had been spit on the pavement's face And it gave a off a crunching sound from pain. Spiderwebs hung from trees, looking like fine lace; That beauty means a dry end for any insect saying hello. The building immidiately in front of me Had lost any sign of color in the moonlight. Just the fact that I was there freely Should alert you to the idiocies in my head. I had brought my favorite young woman along, (In order to show off my masculenity), I killed the car and ended the pop song, Whispering sweet things to her, but more for me. As I stepped out the the car, the asphalt screamed, I gave a jump and started into an awkward dance. Smiling, I walked toward her, pulling at a loose string, And together we waltzed to the building in shadow. We entered the factory that had been left long ago And looked around at the junk that could be priceless. Dust had settled on the windows creating a strange glow, But the light created a lunar landscape. A single table had been set in the middle of the lobby And a single candle fought the shadows there. A vase stood to the right full of blooming poppies, "She'll love those." I thought with a withdrawn joy. I led my love to the chair picked for her frame And caressed her closer to the circular table. I went round the other side and, to myself, did the same. For a moment, I was lost in the vortex of her eyes. Without much pomp, for the circumstance was there, I pulled out a box that contained my feeling for her. Opening the lid, her eyes dropped to stare. A word written on paper lay in that solitary box... "Goodbye..." Several years later, I saw the same young woman on the street, She was very different from the one who i left. Her eyes had sunken into her face to hide from the heat And her clothes showed signs of many uses. (In many ways) I pity her, I pity myself for leaving her in such fashion, My dreams contain her eyes staring into mine, They change into the ones that are devoid of all passion. I speak a single word to myself before I go to work everday. "Goodbye..." |
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| © Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TheGirlNoOneKnew Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 92PA, USA |
Meh, I'm so jealous of your creative titles! ^__^ This poem was great, probably one of my favorites by you. Descriptive, bittersweet and filled with sadness. I loved it. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
thank you very much |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
"Whispering sweet things to her, but more for me." Whether that line was meant to be funny I do not know, I laughed though. hmmm...this is so story like. in sort of a corny way. I kind of didn't like it, and wasn't able yo get that into it. The only part I really liked was the box part. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
it was kinda supposed to be cheesy, a lot of the metaphors and analogies i had were meant to be. this was more of just a story idea concept. i was forming it in my head and then just twisted it a little.thanks for reading |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Wow Young_blood! You just left me speechless  This poem was amazing...the descriptions and everything...I'm going to add it to my library, hope you don't mind...  ~Alli~ I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughter would make me cry. |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
I liked it, but sometimes the flow felt off... I like how twisted the ending was though. I think that was my favorite part, and the imagery, and analogies and metoaphors, as always, were amazing. Karissa I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
The imagery and the ending was great in this poem. Great write, I REALLY enjoyed this one. GOOD WORK!!! ~Jess  "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
And a single candle fought the shadows there Favorite line, don't ask me why lol I just loved the imagery and everything of it. Wonderful job as usual, your amazing! Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't. |
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