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Teen Poetry #7
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davidmerriman
Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123
Dallas, TX

0 posted 2004-07-21 03:14 AM


Floating tensions, ego swapping,
Feeding, swimming carnivorous
Words and little subtle actions
Drift along the thick kitchen air.

They’re just sitting there, eating like robots
Powered by some consuming emotion.
Their levels of thought do not overlap,
Their realities dripping different ink.

I wish for once I could seep in their souls
And share with them this new understanding.
I wish I could reach out and hold the world,
And have its mangled arms to hold me back.

It’s just an experience, I’d tell them,
All just different things that are happening.
And I’d smile and they’d smile -— so happy! —-
The tensions loosening around my skull.

© Copyright 2004 David Merriman - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2004-07-21 10:27 AM


They’re just sitting there, eating like robots
Powered by some consuming emotion.
Their levels of thought do not overlap,
Their realities dripping different ink.


Eenjoyed your descriptive relationship.I could picture your parents sitting there.

M

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2004-07-26 01:33 AM


this was REALLY good

why dehell does this only have one reply!

but hey, nakedthoughts was the one, meaning this is great! She knows a good poem when she sees one

superb man, this had some power to it! Kudos, and more!!!!!

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2004-07-26 10:32 AM


no kidding...
this is awesome

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
4 posted 2004-12-26 11:06 PM


Wow....

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
5 posted 2004-12-28 04:57 PM


this is truely well crafted.
I enjoyed it immensely.
and can relate to that robot type feeling all around me.  

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