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Teen Poetry #7
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Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California

0 posted 2004-07-14 07:50 PM


My hopes were high, like some strange unidentifiable flight without wings.
But I still flew, and to all it was mysterious, how I held my hands so still in my lap.
They shoke,  I shoke so hard, on the inside.
Because the climate was dropping from over exertion.

The fall had been steady, but they claim they didn’t see it coming.
And I tell them it’s a shame, cause I came down in enormous flames,
It sure was a sight to see,
the whole town gathered at they’re doorsteps to watch the show.
I’m so sorry you didn’t catch the event. It could have been captivating.  

Rationalizations penetrate no further then they always have. Just beneath the surface.
Deep enough for me to process them and learn to reinact in proper form.  

You sit in church, fully immerced.
I sit, chewing on my thoughts collasping around the concepts that won’t add up.    
Which start tasting of mud.
You are faith strengthened.
I am built lower still by this **** , an ugly product of this isolation.
So shove it into my wounds, all the salt and disdain in your eyes,
feed it through your mouth and make it audiable, tangible.
So I can eat your poison and disect the formula,
and attempt to comprehend this seeming insanity.

My hair falls in my face,
a shadow to sheild me from the eyes that might catch sight of the flame.
I don’t wish for anyone to burn as I do.  
This spark, I don’t want them to condemn it, and throw it out with their wetnesses.
So here, I hide. Behind this veil, I hang over my eyes.

[This message has been edited by Acies (07-19-2004 03:34 PM).]

© Copyright 2004 Alexis Smith - All Rights Reserved
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
1 posted 2004-07-19 03:36 PM


you are an amazing writer, and I'm saying that with all my admiration
this is one of the best I've read in a long while
you have such an expressive way of writing
keep it up and I do hope to see more
Looking forward to read more of your work
Thanks for sharing

You don't have to say you love me just be close at hand.......

Stepharoo
Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149
Washington, USA
2 posted 2004-07-20 12:52 PM


Hmmm not sure what to say about this one. I sure did get caught up in it while reading, which I think is a good thing. I really like this poem! Keep up the awesome work!
Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
3 posted 2004-07-24 03:23 PM


Thank you so much...to write is to breathe for me, so if I can do it well, then I live well.

I don't even know what I just said...

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
4 posted 2004-07-25 05:39 AM


So shove it into my wounds, all the salt and disdain in your eyes

i love that line, it's great. keep up the awesome writing,  i really do like your stuff.
bergundy

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
5 posted 2004-07-25 05:59 PM


this was really good. i really enjoyed reading it. this was the first time i actually enjoyed reading poetry in the teen forum. i think that you should replace the whole line with the curse word in it, it's a neat idea, but the curse word just takes away from the poem itself. good work once again,
-alex

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2004-07-25 10:12 PM


I liked it.

I thought it was damn real.
Powerful man, just powerful

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

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