My heart is what i owe you!!!

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sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

0 posted 2004-07-01 02:15 PM

After giving you all i have,
Now you leave?

After loving you with all my heart,
NOw you disappear?

After arguing all day with my family for you,
now you kill?

I gave you all i got ,i never treated you with disrespect i have always prayed for you,

Even if the world asked me to die for you, i would do it,

Even if they cut out my legs,my arms,my heart,
i would still be living on your breath,

The letters you said  are even more than gold , more than anything in this world,

I dont feel bad for breaking up because love is the most cutest,lovest,intersting feeling anyone can get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loving you was the thing i always prayed for,

But now its time ,
Its time,
The world is screaming ,
People are dying so it wont be the first story of
Romeo and Juliet..!!

              and its never going to be

                   THE LAST!!

IN MY CAVE YOU WILL END TO BE AND IN MY HEART YOU SHALL REMAIN AND IN MY DREAMS YOU SHALL BE ,AND IN MY BRAIN YOU SHALL CONTROL,AND IN MY BODY YOUR MY BLOOD,!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------------

I hope you like it ,i was just thinking of the past and writing,its not one of the best  kinda weird huh?,,,welll !!!,i hope you will like it ,,enjoyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please be honest and tell  me what you honestly think please !!!

Fate is what controls the world so just let it go and I PROMISE YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!

[This message has been edited by sweet_cute_palestinian04 (07-01-2004 07:36 PM).]

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2004-07-01 05:33 PM

ok.....what should i say?? It's not your best work, that's for sure. But it wasn't bad. It was just alright for me.
I was kinda confused in some parts but I still really enjoyed the poem and I still love your work!
Keep it up!!!

~Alli~

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

2 posted 2004-07-01 05:41 PM

I love your poems cause they usually show so much feeling. This one I didn't really like for the one reason that I felt like it was just a paragraph instead of a poem. Maybe try writting shorter lines and describing with descripitive words more. I still love some of your other poems.

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member

since 2003-02-19

Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2004-07-02 01:24 AM

Agreed........ not very much enjoyed. Good thoughts but maybe you just need to bring them out in another way. sounds more like just a very angry poem... i know some of my worst writes come from confused anger.

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