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Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2004-06-08 08:45 PM



You sit across the room on your high shelf
surrounded by your porcelain friends
looking down your noses at us
You go to dances and balls
in your perfect dresses and perfect faces
wearing the same, painted-on smile
While I go to picnics and tea parties with mud pies
in my everyday rags
wearing an embroidered heart
You receive admiration and awe
I get stepped on and dropped to the ground
But I cannot be broken
you are not easily mended
and you are covered with dust

© Copyright 2004 Amanda Seymour - All Rights Reserved
*Belabebeautiful*
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696
washington, USA
1 posted 2004-06-09 12:52 PM


Mmmm...I enjoyed this piece a lot. I would have never thought to look at life from a favorite dolls perspective, but you are so very right. The one doll may be worn, but it was loved and played with while the others are still up there on the shelf. Very nicely written and it sends a lovely larger message out as well. well done
~Live and Laugh~

The memories are worth the pain when the happiness is outweighs the sorrow
~Bella~

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
2 posted 2004-06-10 09:23 AM


I totally agree with *Belabebeautiful*...great poem.
I really liked how you did it from the doll's point of veiw.  Made me see things in a different way.

GREAT POEM!!!

~Alli~

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2004-06-11 01:04 PM


Thank-you

drummerboy678
Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134

4 posted 2004-06-12 04:59 PM


Wow, this really is great.  I love the point of view, but also the message throughout it.  
I guess the only thing I would have to complain about is the ending... It's not bad, but with such a strong piece, it seems like the ending needs something more.
But really, if you keep it as it is, the poem is still great.

Nicely done

Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
5 posted 2004-06-17 02:30 AM


*Thumbs Up*

Very imaginative! And you stuck with the image! You did a wonderful job with getting your point aross. This is a very unique piece, you did a great job. Keep writing.

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
6 posted 2004-06-19 03:50 AM


weird, but cool.  i liked it, the title was interesting, it catches the eye plus it's creative.
hugs n fishes
bergundy

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

a123
Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72

7 posted 2004-06-22 11:47 AM


I really loved this poem...

It kind of reminded me of Enid Blyton stories....

If I may suggest I think the last two lines maybe need to be written in a different way.They are a little unclear ,to me atleast.....
Or maybe its just me

anyway,i loved it
hoping to read more
love
a123

a123
Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72

8 posted 2004-06-22 11:50 AM


Oh... I didnt notice drummerboy had already talked about the ending...

oh never mind...

a123

Stepharoo
Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149
Washington, USA
9 posted 2004-06-22 09:33 PM


Very Cute! I really like the point of view you  get when you read this...Great Job!!!
Keep it up!

Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada
10 posted 2004-07-05 02:29 AM


thankx everyone for your lovely comments
blackandwhitehorizon
Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183
an akward state of mind
11 posted 2004-07-06 05:34 PM


i really like this poem... .and i know this is kind of contradicting everyone else's responses, but .. i really love the ending, that was my favorite part. the last lines really  ... i'm not sure what they do but i like them a lot. anyways, nice job
sweetie_cute_2004
New Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 5

12 posted 2004-07-07 10:22 AM


wow good poem loved it


Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
13 posted 2004-07-27 11:31 AM


Hey you did great with this one. One thing i was wondering is whether this person you're takling about is someone popular or whatever.... whether or not- Sometimes i wonder why a lot of "unpopular" kids get so mad at popular kids in highschool (not all popular kids are evil lol)...

regardless, im sure thats not what you meant. I think you did very well with this one and i loved the way you wrote it. Plus the title was totally great.

In addition I would kindly like to point out how much I love your name. Tequila is great!! (although I do not condone drinking for minors. Im an old man, i can do it! lol)

ANyway- great poem!
keep posting!

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

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