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Teen Poetry #7

if you want me to stay

Baby D
Junior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 14

0 posted 2004-06-07 07:07 AM

if you want me to stay

ask me to come with you
to a place that no one knows
so we can be alone
and you can hold me close

ask me to come with you
and ask me to stay
to a place untouched
and ask me today

ask me to come with you
where the romance of the night will always fall
and its only me and you
behind high stone walls
we can gaze at the moon and the stars
and no one will kno where we are

ask me to come with you
so we can be alone
in a place untouched
in a place unknown
ask me to come with you
where the romance of the night will always fall
and its only you and me
behind high stone walls

and i promise ill come
if you ask me today
i promise ill come
and if you want me to
ill stay

[This message has been edited by Baby D (06-07-2004 07:46 AM).]

Rommance_Touch
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 97

1 posted 2004-06-07 07:32 AM

simple words, are clear and easy to get, but there is a comment, since yr talking abt touch and stuff like this u hadnt to use these words:

ask me to come with you
where darkness never falls
its only you and me
behind high stone walls

A romance touch always likes to be under night fall and u supported my idea by using "Behind high stone walls", u cant hide at the morning even if yr behind a high wall.

Baby D
Junior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 14

2 posted 2004-06-07 07:49 AM

yeh thanks romance touch well you can see i have actually edited it now, wat u sed made sense and actually gave me other ideas about what would sound better. i hope you like the change anyway...

Dani

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