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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Stuck |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land 
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The oil and acrylic melted his thumb rubbing them together, till he felt in the dark the white glue pot, and dipped his hand entirely. And dipped his hand entirely till he felt in the dark the white glue pot, his thumb rubbing them together, the oil and acrylic melted. Melted oil and acrylic Webbing across his hand as he smiled, and wiped his palm on the front of his jeans. On the front of his jeans he smiled, and wiped his palm webbing across his hand as melted oil and acrylic. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Claire Lucille - All Rights Reserved | |||
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Wings of the moon - I havn't read anything by you here... First of all, its unusual to get a poem like this in the forums (one with the structured pattern yours has). I've done some pantoums and others, but never one with this pattern. Just out of curiosity, what is it called? Anyways, the poem was pretty good... I've never been crazy about poems like this, simply because the lines repeat (I know they have to), and the poems just feel repetitive. But this is good for the format. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
i thought that it was interesting. i'm not sure how much i liked it though. it was different from much of what i read. good work. |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
drummer boy, not sure if it has a name, originally, it only had two stanzas, i wonder if you and young blood would agree if it is best without the last two. the lines are never the same twice  |
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