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Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

0 posted 2004-05-31 08:11 PM

Inside of Me
Deep down inside of me,
Are feelings that I can no longer hide.
They are for that special girl,
The one that I care for and I adore.

I don’t know how I can make her see,
That if we were together it would be destiny.
It’s not like I can’t tell,
Because when I’m around her my heart begins to swell.

She is everything I could possibly want and need,
Yet to her together we will never be.
I really love her with all my heart and soul,
As my emotions continue to flow.

Deep down inside of me,
Are feelings I can no longer hide.
They belong to that one special girl,
The one I care so much for and adore

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

1 posted 2004-05-31 09:41 PM

wow,wow,,this poem is amazing,,i just love ur poems,,, tell her dont be afraid before u loose her ,,,trust me ,,.well take care ,,

peace

I hate the world because it does'nt have a taste, i HATE the world because it does'nt have a color.!!
Admit that im right,,!

Stepharoo
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 149
Washington, USA

2 posted 2004-05-31 10:59 PM

Very Good! I like it so much. *Thumbs Up*
Keep up the Awesome work!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-06-01 02:50 PM

well, the rhyming was...not so great. the metaphors were...non-existant. you need to try and be more creative in your descriptions since they were very vague. hmmm...what else, oh ya the syllable count was very off in some parts. it made the flow really bad. well, that's about all i can think of right now.

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

4 posted 2004-06-02 05:03 AM

as always an amazing poem....
the love that is practically jumping off the computer screen is amazing......
if you dont tell her how you feel you will loose her to another and then you will feel so lost and empty..... so bite the bullet as they say and tell her how you feel, before you loose her.......
keep up your writing....
Mel

so this is me but what do you care about that????
i am who i am. no one can change that but me, even then it will be a fight to the death

zenny
Member

since 2002-11-24

Posts 371
Belgium

5 posted 2004-06-02 02:50 PM

Dear poet, I feel the love inside your heart
The wanting yet hiding, will romance ever start?
I don't know the answer, but I do know for sure:
You only want her if also HER heart is pure!

Sweet love has ways with these things, you see
If she doesn't FEEL this, it's not meant to be
In that case I DO know that somewhere out there
A someone is waiting, a young maiden fair!

Nice write!

Sweetpoet16m4u04
Member

since 2002-11-10

Posts 153
Ma, U.S.A

6 posted 2004-06-02 10:08 PM

Thanks to you all that make me smile with your wonderful comments it makes me feel good inside. I'm glad you all like them and thanks for the advice in telling me to go for it!

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

7 posted 2004-07-02 11:55 PM

not bad.

moonguardian2004
Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 64
MA, USA

8 posted 2004-07-26 09:07 PM

Hey hun
You are defenitely gifted. This girl that you care for so much should consider herself very lucky. Don't back down from anything, just let things fall into place. If it is meant to be then it will happen. Great job!

~*To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for that is when stars shine oh so bright !~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

9 posted 2004-07-26 10:47 PM

GOod poem here.

Keep up the good work and good luck with the girliezzz.

if you want a constructive critique, do post up on the availability of it. Otherwise, I am only subjected to saying good/bad

Regardless- this was good

I left my wallet in El Segundo...
And I gotta get it
I got got to get it!

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

10 posted 2004-07-27 06:41 PM

Hm . . . wow! I'm kind of gonna have to agree with what young_blood said about the descriptions being vauge and the flow.

BUT!!! I really do like this poem, because I can really feel the love that you feel for this girl.

Overall, I give it a thumbsup!

~Alli~

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughter would make me cry.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

11 posted 2004-07-29 10:22 PM

This was sweet. I have to agree with young_blood though about the flow, and metaphors and all of that.
But the emotion in it was great. I could really tell how much you want her, and how much you care... but i definetly think, with a little work, i could FEEL that emotion through your words also.

Kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

dodge_chick2003
Member

since 2004-01-18

Posts 136
California

12 posted 2004-08-06 01:14 AM

Hey Chris. that poem was again awesome, I really enjoy reading your writings. You should really tell her how you feel before its too late. I'm sure she would be pleased to be with you. By the way you write any girl would be. Keep up the good work.

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