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Teen Poetry #7
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Rainy days
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Rainy days |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I decided to post this in here instead of open like I usually do because this poem has a lot to do with just having a bad day as a teenager and I thought perhaps people could relate better to it here. I ran through the river of heaven today. It pelted my skin, ripped at my legs and burned my eyes ...it felt good I ran untill I fell, on the cold hard earth looking up at the expansive grey orb closing in on me, swirling as if to say "All will be well, let me wash it away" and then I ceased to exsist, my soul encased in the clouds and the confettii rain poured over my body pulling out the taint in my pores and worshiping what was left of me, healing me. I slowly resurfaced, my body numb and I walked back down the hill admiring the beauty in something thought so ugly -A curing moment- The memories are worth the pain when the happiness is outweighs the sorrow |
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| © Copyright 2004 Bella - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
well done. i'm not surprised that no one here has commented becuase this actually GOOD poetry. the description of heaven was well written, the only thing i would change is the word "pelted". this needs to be changed because a river doesn't actually pelt you. i would chang it to "tore at me" or "gripped my body". something along those lines. the rest was pretty good. the ending was weak until the very last line. once again, a better write than most around here. |
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zenny Member
since 2002-11-24
Posts 371Belgium |
I have to agree there, this is a good write! I really enjoyed reading it! |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
this was really good  great descriptions much enjoyed!  "love is but a song we sing and fear's the way we die" |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Bela -- although not a teenager (for sure), I do appreciate reading this for it has brought back a similar memory -- (this would do well in main forum, too, I think). Enjoyed this perfect poem.........jo |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Oh bella bella! Me gusto! Que bueno! lol Enehweh- Very well done. All I have to say to that is you really captured the growing process of a teen and how we often over look the pains (which all too often lead to beauty) in our loud- yet tender age.  I left my wallet in El Segundo... |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Wow Bella....great write!  ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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