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Teen Poetry #7
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Storm in My Head
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Storm in My Head |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
My throat won’t open, Choking back on the tears. Tears that once again… Were caused by you… You try to justify your words, But you only make it worse. The words all jumbled in my head, No energy left to sort them out. I’m ruined… With tear-stained cheeks, And blood-red eyes… Wet….like the rain pouring down… The anger surges through me, Like the lightening roaring outside… DON’T TRY TO PLACATE ME! Not this time… You will hear my words, As if they’re my last… They scream from my throat...finally… Like the thunder rumbling around me… You are not the one, Who holds my heart. You are not the one, That has all my love. You destroyed me from the inside, Taking everything in your greed. Leaving nothing behind, For me to rebuild…once again. Now you must pay, I’m banishing MYSELF, From this hell, this prison, That you keep me locked up in… My last word to you would be… Goodbye… But you…don’t even deserve that. It's been awhile,since I've seen the way, the candles light your face. It's been a while, but I can still remember just the way you taste! ~StainD |
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| © Copyright 2004 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Stepharoo Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149Washington, USA |
Very good, I can just feel the emotion flowing out...well done! *Thumbs Up* |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
omg veryy touching it made me tear this is soooooo sad...keep up the great work ..love and respect peace I hate the world because it does'nt have a taste, i HATE the world because it does'nt have a color.!! |
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Fleur Member
since 2004-04-09
Posts 103 |
To this poem, I can only say one word; Strong. Very touching and strong. Loved it! |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Hey man, this is awesome. From the format, I expected it to rhyme, but I'm glad you didn't try to, as it would sound incredibly forced. It works how it is, although you could change the format... thats up to you. I’m ruined… With tear-stained cheeks, And blood-red eyes… Wet….like the rain pouring down… I like this stanza, although comparing tears with the rain has been done. I understand how you want to keep your "rain, lightning, thunder" metaphor going though, so it's cool. Awesome ending. I love when poems end with two killer lines, and yours did. It makes people remember it, no matter what you have in front of it. In your case, the whole thing is good though. Nice job |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
Thanks for the comments everyone, I'm glad you liked it. It's been awhile,since I've seen the way, the candles light your face. It's been a while, but I can still remember just the way you taste! ~StainD |
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