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Teen Poetry #7
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im alone!
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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im alone! |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
im alone, screaming in these tall building where no -1 can hear me cry. im alone, crying soo slowly just to take away the pain, im alone , holding my own hands ,together so i wont die, trying to hold on but i cant, Is there anyone that cares? is that anyone that loves? help me laugh,help me smile from all the way to my heart, let me reach your style to make you proud. im alone ,in these tall montians crying for help,but no-one can realize im here to be . they say just live life and ignore it,,,,school is nothing ,schoool is'nt anything.. i want to learn , i want to live, i want to be, im here ,can you seee?? im here can you believe? but i guess im alwayz going to be alone.. |
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| © Copyright 2004 sweet_cute_palestinian04 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
sweet_cute_palestinian04-- Your writing format reminds me a lot of e.e. cummings who always wrote his poems in lowercase letters.  However, try not to use "slang" (if you will) such as in:"screaming in these tall building where no -1 can hear me " where "no-1" should be "no one". It really takes away from the overall meaning of the piece, and that would be a shame. It's more of a distraction than an enhancement. Other than that, you did a good job in writing this. I'm sure I'll have another opportunity to read more of your work, as I see some of them on the forum already. Keep up the writing!--Leah |
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