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Fleur
Member

since 2004-04-09

Posts 103

0 posted 2004-05-07 12:24 PM

The HeadScarf

With her scarf around her hair,
she walks alone; try not to care,
what people around her say,
it's just another day.

People look at her like she was a monster,
wonder how she got here and walk faster;
just to go away from her; to them it's a disaster,
but do they know how it's like to be considered as a monster?

Inside her, she feels a feeling,
nothing evil just being;
uncomfortable and saying;
things she never thought she was knowing.

Just because she wears the scarf,
people make it so tuff,
for her to live and stay alive,
and try to be like them even if it's very hard.

Why are people like that?
is it only the out looking which counts in fact?
if people could be more gentil to foreign people,
this world would be more comfortable.

-Some of you may not understand, but it's hard to some people here, to be themselves, and wear as they wish.- My english is horrible, so please if there's any mistakes in it or anything, then let me know. Thanks - Fleur

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-05-07 04:30 PM

I like this.. I agree that some people can be so horrible, only because they dont understand, and sometimes just flat out dont care. I like to think of those people as lost...I pity them.

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

Stepharoo
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 149
Washington, USA

2 posted 2004-05-07 05:40 PM

I agree with kissa...People who dont understand tend to be harsh...and wether they mean to or not...it all hurts...
I really like this poem.
kepp it up!

Snickers123
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 94
United States-Iowa

3 posted 2004-05-07 11:18 PM

I agree with them, nice write

!

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

4 posted 2004-05-08 08:24 PM

wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow ...this is the most cutest poem ever..i was tearing because i am that girl haha...they treate me horrible ...omg...lolol..well people keep posting.....i love ur poemssss.....

peace

lovezzz

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

5 posted 2004-05-08 08:51 PM

Fleur--

You did a really good job of portraying your thoughts in this poem. I really liked how the headscarf was used not only literally, but also metaphorically; it made the poem that much more flexible.

The flow, however, made the poem difficult to follow because I wasn't sure how to read it. I wasn't sure what the meter was. Poems with a rhyme scheme need to have some kind of flow and meter; without it, the poem comes off as weak, even if the message is strong. I'm not saying "Don't rhyme," but keep in mind that using a rhyme scheme is very limiting. However, I commend you for taking up the challenge of writing a poem such as this.

Keep up the writing!

--Leah

a123
Member

since 2004-03-27

Posts 72

6 posted 2004-05-09 06:03 AM

I really liked this and more importantly i liked what you said through this poem.keep writting.
well done!

love
a123

Fleur
Member

since 2004-04-09

Posts 103

7 posted 2004-05-09 09:10 AM

I wanna thank you all, for using time on this poem. And ofcourse for your comments. I really appreciate this a lot. -and also thanks for the good advices. This means a lot to me. Take Care..

-Fleur-

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