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Teen Poetry #7
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losing lilacs
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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losing lilacs |
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blackandwhitehorizon Member
since 2003-05-05
Posts 183an akward state of mind |
Pushing aside my embroidered white curtains I stare through the pane of glass that is my wall as I sigh. My heart whimpers and a tear of my own guilt slides gently down my cheek. I see the tops of trees Poking above a rooftop And drifting cotton clouds Sliced by black telephone lines And Blue skies peirced by the red radio tower. The beautiful evening sky, burried in the town. Where is all the Beauty? It would not be hiding from me. It is being held back, tied town and tortured, Forced into seclusion. With this horrifying mask of paved sidewalks and choking mufflers I wonder, Where are my Flowers? Can no one else see we are stepping on our complexion? Our Beauty? Our chance for a future? Am I losing my mind? Or are we still searching for ours. . . |
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Snickers123 Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 94United States-Iowa |
"Am I losing my mind? Or are we still searching for ours. . ." that was my favorite line, keep writing, good work. ~*.:Leah:.*~ |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
this is pretty good... but it seems to only scratch the surface of what you are trying to say. could be better... explain why the details of the night matter, perhaps. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
The imagary is wonderful . . . ~Alli~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You painted a nice picture for us. Good imagery. The ending was good too, maybe you could have led up to it a little more elaborately rather than just dropping that last great line on us though. Good poem though, keep it up! I left my wallet in El Segundo... |
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