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Teen Poetry #7
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Don_Juan
Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252
Far from where I am going

0 posted 2004-04-27 09:52 AM


Bacwards chicken scratch

Watching life, love, and happiness
through a t.v. screen
'cause I'm afraid to
return to the outdoors
flicking through channels
aimlessly without focus
yeah theres a.d.d involved
attention span of 10 seconds
unfocused and afraid
of beolding something i love
and having my mind
prohibit all plasure
because i'll never love again
so i'm a couch potato
unmotivated, unwilling, sloth like
doesn't bother me at all
backwards chicken scratch
inscribings on stale perfumed paper
stapled to the kitchen table
dyslexic and can hardly stand it
attempted to wirte you a letter
but blew all chance of that
i tried to feel sorry for myself
but i couldnt focus
on that for too long
'cause i was missing
the world pass me by
looks like nice guys do finish last
everyone in the world has lapped me
they say live and learn
i'd rather just live
and leave the learning to those i watch
better to love and lost
rather than never loved right?
you love
you lose
nothing more
Eh, yeah i do want you back
but i'll never love you again

yeah this was on my spare time. hope you like it.

© Copyright 2004 John Lervezuk - All Rights Reserved
sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418
Earth
1 posted 2004-04-27 04:23 PM


wow..  actually i liked but not loved it it sorry its just my opinion ,,it was intersting but the end went alittle down ..welll take care and sorry if i disresspected you.....:-]
Don_Juan
Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252
Far from where I am going
2 posted 2004-04-27 05:36 PM


no it's cool. i knew the poem wasn't very good at all. it really needs some revisions.
but hey thank you for reading and critiquing

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
3 posted 2004-05-02 02:58 AM


i dunno, i liked the end, and the rest of the poem...i liked the part where you said you tried to feel sorry for yourself...etc.  nice job

bergundy

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

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