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Teen Poetry #7
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Cinderelly
Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189
NM, USA

0 posted 2004-04-25 09:48 PM


Senior prom was not what it was supposed to be
but then neither were you.

A night that could’ve ended in tears
was change by a few hours flirting with desire.

(Desire
that fire,
between two "friends" Saturday night.)

Prom night was a illusion built upon what ifs,
but you never have been.

(Your memory of one night
could change this; us,
a smile, a laugh and that look.)

Looking back on those four years, you've been a part of the background of my life
but that night you came to the forefront.

(A new path began one night after senior prom,
a promise (between friends),
and hope for the morning.)

Senior prom was not what it was supposed to be
but then neither were you.

+Okay, the title is a work in progress . . . Any suggestions?+

[This message has been edited by Cinderelly (04-26-2004 01:24 AM).]

© Copyright 2004 Jamie - All Rights Reserved
aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
1 posted 2004-04-26 12:56 PM


although a nice write it doesnt seem to flow. you need to work on that... i cant think of anything that i would change the title to. i think it is fine the way it is.
keep up the writing
Mel

so this is me but what do you care about that????

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
2 posted 2004-04-26 08:02 AM


i think i would make the title simplier and just make it prom...or something with just one word because it just seems to fit better to me. i liked the poem..it was different and thats why i liked it.

great job
-ri-

no matter what i'll always love you
i swear

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
3 posted 2004-04-26 04:33 PM


i liked it. i'm not sure why, but i did. hmmm...i don't know why...good work
sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418
Earth
4 posted 2004-04-27 12:10 PM


wow gr88 poem keep it upp
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