»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #7
»
SICK!!!
| Teen Poetry #7 |
|
SICK!!! |
|
|
aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
im sick of being played im sick of being used im sick of looking like a fool im sick of being here nothin to do other than think of you. so this is me but what do you care about that???? |
||
| © Copyright 2004 Ruth - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is something i wrote after my last boyfriend dumped me... i live about 20 kilometers( about 8 miles) away from public transport, and about 40 kilometers (16 miles) from any of my close friends.... so naturally i had nothing to do other than think about him... let me know what you think. |
||
|
a123 Member
since 2004-03-27
Posts 72 |
i could feel that it was heartfelt...uve expressed yourself well. short poems r always the best cause thay have a greater impact.. well done  a123 |
||
|
young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
it was certainly to the point, but was this just getting your thoughts out for your own benefit or was it supposed to be an achievement in poetry? i think it was the former. anyway, this certainly was clearly expressed. i'm not too fond of ones where it only has one definitive meaning. hmmm...if you have time go check out a poet named wallace stevens. his work is masterful. he will write a poem and the reader will find ten different meanings to it. contrary to the person who replied above, i am not fond of short poems. the poem has no time to gain a life of it's own. your poem seemed like mere words to me. i understand what you said, but i don't feel it. that is where the wonderful world of description must be entered into. there are a multitude of ways to describe how you feel. the best (and often most difficult) is through metaphors. it leaves so much more open to interpretation. let the reader come to their own conclusion when reading your work instead of spoonfeading them the messafe. well that turned out to be much much longer than intended. take to heart some of my advice. these are all things that i am working on as well. i will be interested to read more of your work in the future. -alex |
||
*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
It was short but you still were able to express your emotions. Nice job! ~Alli~ |
||
|
sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
it was good but not gr88 if u only had more feelings out of you and more in this poem it would if been better..but i liked it keep it upppp |
||
|
aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
thanks for the comments. i apreciate the advice young blood. the main reason for this poem being so short is because it is all i needed to get across. i only write when i have feelings and thoughts i cant express any other way. for me tis more about my feelings than giving imagery and other possible meanings. again thankyou, and the advice has been taken on board. so this is me but what do you care about that???? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
