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Teen Poetry #7
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White Washed
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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White Washed |
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Sass Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 21 |
White-washed hearts and blank walls. Wishing I could fill in the empty holes in this sand. Wet and grainy toes. All of you were looking at my glazed over eyes. Almost grey or green, just some color in between. The water moves in currents my mind can't fallow. Come untangle these waves clinging to my legs. These vines ravishing my body, entangling my soul. Clouds roll overhead and the wind plays with the trees in a childish dance. Yet I sit here, unchanged. Lifeless. Stunned by beauty I could never posess. Hurting from the inside out. Incomplete. Pulling the grass that lies underneath me just to feel something else die. My thoughts are chasing one another in circles. Moking and canceling eachother out. And I'v always felt like something tattered. So I'm screaming my tears out of my eyes and watching them fall on the dying pile of grass. The warmth stolen in an instant. The little warmth I had. Stark and cold. Tomorrow has never looked so bleak. My heart has been white-washed, and I sit here, alone staring at the blank walls. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Sass - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sass Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 21 |
Lexy!! I love you. Thank you for the help on this. We wrote this together! ~Kassi |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
i enjoyed the line about the grass. the opening lines are very similar to one i wrote called white-washed innosence. i liked this. good work -alex |
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wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
Lovely imagery i must say "Wet and grainy toes", "untangle these waves clinging to my legs", ... sometimes it just nearly throws itself into cliches but just narrowly misses it...This poem has a lot of potential, but i wonder if it would not benefit from an edit of some of the unnecessary sentences, a smaller packaging full of the most brilliant images. Although to some degree, it adds to the ending an out-of-breathness quality that's quite commendable... well, not sure what to suggets now. I loved it. Keep up the good work. |
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