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Teen Poetry #7
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Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2004-04-01 08:28 PM



Even though you’re here…
I’m still alone...in my head.
Still...surrounded by those icy cliffs...
Giant walls so high...
Impossible to escape.

A question has arisen...
Why is the ice black?
I look around...
And that’s all I see...
A black nothingness…

I scream...and it echoes,
But still no one hears me.
The vibrations from the sound
Collide into me,
And I fall….to the ice-covered ground.

Knocked unconscious my mind swirls…
I see bodies swimming everywhere…
They look at me,
With the greatest sadness in their eyes,
“We’re sorry…but you’re trapped…like us.”

I join in the mass,
But still it seems...
That I’m the one left swimming alone.
“What’s happening?!” I scream.
“We’re sorry…but you’re trapped…like us.” They repeat.

“Stop saying that….I want to leave.”
“You cannot.”
“But why?” I ask so desperately.
“Because, like us, you…are another lost soul,
Forever to be trapped, in this thing called oblivion.”

"I...I bleed...For no one..but myself...For me and no one else!"~ MudVaYne

© Copyright 2004 Staci Weidner - All Rights Reserved
TheGirlNoOneKnew
Member
since 2003-12-04
Posts 92
PA, USA
1 posted 2004-04-02 02:19 AM


Excellent work on this. It had a great use of imagery and dialogue...very vivid and real. Keep up the good work!
TigerZ
Member
since 2002-01-02
Posts 83
Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2004-04-02 06:18 AM


You are truly an amazing poet.  I look out for you work everytime i visit this site and i am never disappointed with what i read.  In fact, i get goosebumps most of the time.  The imagery in this piece was just incredible.  As was said already, it was so vivid.  Magnificent job!

A life without love…is no life at all.

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
3 posted 2004-04-02 04:35 PM


i enjoyed this one greatly. great imagery. the only thing that i didnt like that much was the end. i thought that it was too...simple. maybe you should just leave where the person is a mystery. it was vey good though. good work!
-alex

Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
4 posted 2004-04-02 10:21 PM


I think this is one of the best pieces I have read by your. Theres so much helplessness. So much being lost.
Excellent writing
~Lex

peachesNcream
Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears
5 posted 2004-04-03 06:58 PM


This poem was EXCELLENT! Good job. I really like this one a lot...I'm gonna put it in my library! ~Jess

Kiss, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for bliss.

Sass
Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 21

6 posted 2004-04-04 06:05 PM


Your imagery is awesome. I know everyone has said that, but wow. Amazing! Great job. I like the ending. It was really powerfull.
~Kassi

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