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Teen Poetry #7
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UNTITLED
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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UNTITLED |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry 
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UNTITLED We still call each other friends, But we know it’s just not true. Outside I act like it’s alright, But inside I’m cold and blue. We were best friends for just one year, And thought there were years ahead to gain. Our friendship ended so unexpectedly, When you acted so cold and vain. I don’t know why you did it. Talking about me behind my back. Spreading such lies around; And saying that I didn’t act like a friend should act. You said I was paying no attention to you, Well that is just not the truth. And telling people that I was untrustworthy, Only made me think of you as more aloof. After awhile of telling your lies, You decided to cut the cr@p. And came hurrying up to me saying, “I want our friendship back!” I had a feeling you weren’t being sincere. But me being so naïve, Said “Hey, what the heck!” But when it came to our friendship, we still felt displeased. Now when we pass each other in the halls, We pretend we just don’t see; Each other walking the other way. But, hey, it doesn’t bother me. Ok, so maybe it does a little bit, When I think of the friendship we had. But then I remember all the things you did, And how much they made me mad. I remember all the times of laughter; But can’t forget the fear, When I first found out how cruel you are; And how you were so insincere. One day when you become more mature, And learn how to be a better friend; Maybe we can bond again. But for now it is the end. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope that you all enjoyed my poem. I am 13 and it is the first poem I have ever written.I can't think of a good title, so I would greatly appreciate your help.Also, I would love to hear everyone's comments. THANKS!) |
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loner187 Member
since 2004-03-21
Posts 106Upstate New York |
This is great, especially for your first write! How is it that you've never written a poem before? I'm a year older than you, technically more like a month, and have already written tons. You didn't even in school? Oh, and I'm new here, too. So welcome! Anyway, back to the poem. It really brought back memories of an old friendship of mine, one where our interests changed and we parted, and she's now pretty snobby, so I guess it was for the best. A good title could be "A Lost Friend" or "Betrayal." Something like that. Anyway, it's really good! -Amanda "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
yea, i like this. You rhyming was a little forced, but that is ok. Mine waas WAY forced when i first started writing. I am 14 by the way. I can really relate to this. Me and my a friend of mine are sorta in a fight right now, because of some of her chioces. She is just REALLY selfish, and is trying to break a couple of my friends up, and also telling one of my guy friends a bunch of stuff that my other friend told her in confidence about her liking him, because my friend likes him too. Whatever, the drama the drama, IT NEVER ENDS!!! lol I dont even think what i said makes any sense!! lol I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Thanks for your critiques. Amanda, to answer your question yea I have written poems in school before but this is my first "personal" poem. The ones I have written in school were to watch a movie and then tell the whole story behind it in poetry form. I know that doesn't sound bad but the movies I had to watch were really boring and dull.  I know that my rhyming was forced but I really couldn't think of anything that rhymed with "truth" or "naïve". Yes, I know that's a really BAD excuse!  Anyways... I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to read my poem and tell me what they think. Also, thanks welcoming me to the "neighborhood". Yea... I'm gonna let everyone go now, seeing that I just wrote a really long reply to my own poem! Thanks again everyone! |
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spritrider87 Member
since 2003-05-31
Posts 294NH |
good poem. i like it.keep it up. "don't like this world anymore. tried to run out the door. didnt work and now im on the floor. can you hear me? do you care? please help!!! " |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
This is really great for a first poem! Wow, you got your emotions across very well. Great job, thanks for sharing. W.W. |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Thanks spritrider87 and WinterWren. I'm glad that you enjoyed my poem and that you took the time to read it. Thanks!!  ~Alli~ |
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Don_Juan Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 252Far from where I am going |
hey that was quite nice for your first poem of a personal nature. the rhyming was forced but hey it's all good. anyway keep up the good work nice use of muffin |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
wow awesomeeeeeeeeee keeepit upppppppppppppppppppp...l0ve and respect I will do anything ,not to hurt you, who ever hurts you ,is my enemy until i die... |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Thank you everyone for reading and commenting on my poem. This is from a L..O..N..G while back - I first posted it on March 21, 2004. How did you find it, spritrider87? Just wondering. Glad everyone enjoyed it. ~Alli~ |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
i think this is excelent for your first poem.... even if it is from a couple months ago.... i know the exact feelings in this and you expressed yours really well..... keep up the writing. Mel so this is me but what do you care about that???? |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
Thanks Mel for your comment...glad you enjoyed it. ~Alli~ |
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