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The Story of Us
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The Story of Us |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
Ok, let me first say that I haven't written in quite a while, so I'm kind of "out of it." I wrote this today on a whim. This is the first draft, and eventually I want to give it to someone and I'd like it to be pretty good before I do that. So, any comments, criticism, tips, anything would be very much appreciated. Oh, and help with a title would help too. I'm not sure I like this. Jen Fairy dust and magic dancing in her eyes, Flaming musical whisperings soft in her ear. Proving that the spell you have cast holds strong in her mind Showing the world of a delicate trace. You warm her dreams with your glowing rays. You make her believe, you give her hope. She has faith in you, she trusts the unknown. Take her away, move into uncharted territory. Show her what love really is. In the still of the night, You are what her mind wanders to. Like a soft lullaby, you ease her to sleep: Tender dreams of awaiting true love's first kiss. Now and forever, her heart is yours Patiently waiting for the day When two can become one. Everything gets better in the end, and if it's not better, it's probably not the end. [This message has been edited by BrokenDreams (03-19-2004 10:25 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Jennifer Rick - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
bravo...I enjoyed it alot. great work. it refreshed me with images. -alex now im alone, but not lonely like before |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
I think you personally will have to decide how to improve upon this. Because I liked it a lot, I saw nothing to change. This will be a beautiful gift to whoever is to receive this. ~Lex |
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