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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Melodious_silence Junior Member
since 2004-01-05
Posts 37 |
They boom in my head. The rhythm is majestic and tranquil. The apple tree battle is far from over. We quarrel, dance and sing. Far from the warder of all people, They smite me and pull me down. Who hath disobeyed me? Giver of Gold, Goddess of Flax. Take the Staff of the Sword, Take him with you. Ignore all that is around you, Ignore all that could love you. The defense armor moves before the vision of the opaque moon. The move without consent, ready to move in. Take all because I will harm, I have been wronged. Tongue of speech, Oar of the ship, move fast. My insults are brutal, Nay, physical. The juice of the Apple Slide down the burden of the neck. Feeble one, You will come back to me. Wretched one, You will need me again. Wielder of counsel, Let us hope be with you. You're ignorance, Betrays you. Foul over bearer, How I loathe thee. Take thee unto your own death, Fall, break and cease. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Melodious_silence - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
To be honest... i dont really get it. The thees and thous and stuff got me all lost. It sounded kool though. ~lol~ I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
Thees... Thous... Oh, I'm so confused! Haha, this is definetly not a typical poem you'd find browsing the teen forum. I definetly like it. Foul over bearer, How I loathe thee. Take thee unto your own death, Fall, break and cease. This is great. Very well written poem. Some of the descriptions are still unclear to me however. I still like the ambiguity of it. |
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
hmmm...to me it sounded like the thees and thous were attempts to make yourself sound smart. the poem was not bad by any means. i enjoyed it actually. my advice is to drop the thees and thous and clear up some of the imagery and metaphor problems. |
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