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SimpleDiscourse
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 79

0 posted 2004-03-09 04:58 PM

her eyes
held a melody
within them that
he couldn't sing
but he tried and he tried

the day
he finished his
wedding vows was
the day
she became the
past tense was
the day
he found the notes
to her song was
the day
she no longer
would hear him sing:

oh, love, you have forsaken me
oh, love. . .

his sorrow
held a melody
within him that
he couldn't help sing
but he tried and he tried

oh, love, you have forsaken me.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

1 posted 2004-03-09 08:57 PM

beautiful, moving, lovely

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-03-10 03:37 AM

bittersweet...good write

Strider612
Junior Member

since 2003-12-21

Posts 46
Alabama, United States of America

3 posted 2004-03-10 08:17 AM

It's beautiful but sad. The kind of things I've been enjoying lately, actually. It is well composed.

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

4 posted 2004-03-10 10:37 AM

Beautiful...

~J.Lynn

*¤§¤*You are born helpless...and you die helpless...*¤§¤*

sixington
Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 53
Utah

5 posted 2004-04-13 11:33 PM

wow... so simple.
you never cease to amaze me.

sweet_cute_palestinian04
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 418
Earth

6 posted 2004-04-14 12:42 PM

wow...great poem reallly touching and understandable great keep it upp

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

7 posted 2004-04-14 06:23 PM

enjoyed it very much.

~Alli~

Sass
Junior Member

since 2003-05-10

Posts 21

8 posted 2004-04-14 08:42 PM

wow, like everyone else I loved it. it was definitley bitter sweet.
I love your work. your so talented. I always enjoy reading your stuff! Cant wait for more.
~Kassi

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

9 posted 2004-04-14 10:41 PM

to piut it simply... BEAUTIFUL........

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

Cinderelly
Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 189
NM, USA

10 posted 2004-04-15 01:53 AM

Really really good!

Life is a moderately good play w/ a badly written thrid act. - Unknown

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

11 posted 2004-04-15 03:14 AM

i liked this poem...keep writing...hope to see more

when you live you begin to die
when you die memories of you life lives in others
when memories of you begin to fade
you truly begin to die

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

12 posted 2004-04-16 09:37 PM

Very well done. I'll be watching for more this good.

"I...I bleed...For no one..but myself...For me and no one else!"~ MudVaYne

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