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Teen Poetry #7

May I Call You Angel?

Strider612
Junior Member

since 2003-12-21

Posts 46
Alabama, United States of America

0 posted 2004-03-08 05:54 PM

Please, may I call you angel?
You bring great joy to me.
You are a message given
As a symbol of beauty.
Your grace can heal my sorrows
With just a simple touch.
Please, may I call you angel?
For I think of you as such.

Please, may I call you angel?
Good tidings you must bring.
Wonder fills the souls of men
When happy songs you sing.
Your heart is pure and lovely
Shining forth a bright display.
Please, may I call you angel?
For I think of you that way.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-03-08 07:43 PM

its sweet, but I don't like it all that much, just because it doesn't explain much.
Its all mysterious, but not the kind that intrigues you, the kind that bores you.
Try adding, or eleborating on feelings, images, to involve the reader more in the character.
~Lex

drummerboy678
Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 134

2 posted 2004-03-08 09:00 PM

Lexy, you described it perfectly. I love the idea, but its just sort of boring.

Love 'may i call you angel' and everything, but I got the same information from just reading the title as I did from the whole poem. Try to think of something creative to say.

Great start though, I can see a lot of potential in it.

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

3 posted 2004-03-08 10:52 PM

Well, I think it's incredible. And so sweet. If you wrote this for someone... give it to them, please?

I just loved this...

~Lioness

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-03-10 03:38 AM

this is so sweet

Snickers123
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 94
United States-Iowa

5 posted 2004-09-18 12:10 PM

cute, very cute, nice job

~*.:Leah:.*~

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

6 posted 2004-09-18 12:35 PM

Although I do agree with Lexy, I think that this poem is sooo sweet. I love it!

And wow Leah, you really did bring this back from nowhere.

Nice job with the poem, Levi!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

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