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Teen Poetry #7

Treasure Forsaken

luckydre23
New Member

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3
Colorado, US

0 posted 2004-02-29 01:42 AM

I didn't write this... my friend did.I'm not at all goin to try to take any credit for this.It's about my ex bf and me... we broke up a couple months ago and i'm still having a hard time dealin with it... lemme know what you think!

Treasure Forsaken by Seth W.

They were dating together, a pleasant couple
Rarely they spent a moment apart.
She was a precious treasure from God,
He was fortunate to have won her heart.

However, he grew tired of the blessing he received,
Possessing within him an egotistical manner.
He was blind to the gift given by God
And threw away the relationship and held no candor,
Giving excuses to conceal his selfish ways
And supplying her with fallacies of a possible future.
He played a malevolent game with her heart
And discarded her, crushing her even harder.

Now she lies torn apart inside
Feeling the agonizing sting of pain,
As he boasts of a new happiness.
For this she harbors towards him much disdain.

However it will not be the end,
She will persevere over her distress.
The wounds will heal, though a scar will remain
But she will not live life any less.

Therefore do not forget her in your prayers
That she shall be delivered from this terrible mess
And though this is one of many trials
This daughter of his, God shall surely bless.

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A

1 posted 2004-03-02 10:22 AM

not bad, not bad at all. I guess the only critisism I could lend is that it somehow red more like paragraphs from a short story (a good one) than a poem to me. I suppose free verse is like that though. The vision, ideas, and metaphoric value were very good. Tell your friend I liked it.

Jeremy

Be it in the truest form, or a desperate lack thereof, fail not to understand that the inspiration is love.

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