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Teen Poetry #7

How love works

Lisa_bebe15
Member

since 2001-11-15

Posts 151
Florida

0 posted 2004-02-23 02:22 PM

Love enters your life and leaves so fast.
It may stay around and break your heart.
Maybe your love will stay and not surpass,
Or maybe your love will not, and depart.

Some people will fall in love all the time,
While others just want to be single.
People’s love can also take rapid climbs,
And their hearts intermingle.

You feel so happy when you’re together,
Like nothing will ever break you apart.
When you are apart it’s like bad weather.
Just like when you feel like a bleeding heart.

Love just has a funny way or working,
You just never know where love is lurking.

Class Of 2004
"Water Over Matter"

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-02-23 05:58 PM

Nice write. I like this.

~Kissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2004-02-24 12:53 PM

Better, but again... the rhyming's forced. I seriously remember doing this in high school. I can't remember which kind of sonnet they are, but it's, like, Shakespeare-inspired or something, right?

Anyway, again... try writing outside the rules! It doesn't have to all rhyme, and actually, rhyming every-other-line makes it incredibly difficult to stay with your rhythm.

You ARE good at writing these... I don't have that good of a mind for rhyming, and you're making some pretty big words rhyme.

If you really like this style, I would suggest working on the rhythm... count the syllables in your lines and make them match... get a beat going.

-Lioness

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