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Teen Poetry #7
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always
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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always |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain 
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v.1 i was watching you from a distance today you were amazing every move you would make was hazing my memory chorus and i don't remember when i told you all the things i felt when i released my grasp on reality and lived in the dark playing each moment till the moment seemed just right and gazing through your window just watching you always v.2 i've been so cold for so long now your hand is warming mine...finally been cast in stone...everything was so final and now...i began to realize the things i have forgotten till long ago... hook its in the back of my mind...the back of my throat.. i'm about to let loose and fall out of control.. end you've got me hooked now, i can't let go.. and i'm sitting at your window...with you always i'm sitting in the dark....waiting... |
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| © Copyright 2004 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
i liked it. it was good, i had a good rhythm to it. the only thing i didn't like was the always at the end of the chorus. it makes you sound like a stalker. good work though! -alex |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
young_blood....thanks for replying and the always at the end of the chorus was because its saying like...that i'm always thinking about him or always....yea. you get the picture...neways, thanks for replying. ri i'm sitting in the dark....waiting... |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
heh...I can see where the stalker part would be! though I didn't read it like that, I would love to hear this to music becuase it is very good written as it is I'm sure its absolutly wonderfull put to tune. Nicely done! ~Live and Laugh~ Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less |
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