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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-02-15 05:49 PM

My Eyes Will Not Blink

Why ignore the thoughts you can't deny?
These ones of failure in your heart.
Why delay the tears in your mind?
Hold the tears of pressure that you've shed.

And I'll give you this rose to comfort you,
Hoping that you can finally sleep in the dark.
I'll watch the red rose cry blo*d for you
Dripping down the stem to stain the night.

But the darkness hides even shadows,
Closing in on tired memories.
Holding onto the light in tomorrow,
But rose bleeds ever more.

Watch the love that's drooping lower
Drying out as time goes on.
Pray for peace to be the sower,
The one who holds it in your eyes.

Please don't scream out my name
Because i won't take a drink.
Please don't whisper my sad name
For i cry hearing your sadness.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2004-02-15 10:33 PM

"the darkness hides even shadows"

Its crazy how when someone close to you is sad, it makes you so heartbroken.
I've been on the other end. And seen the effect my pain has had on ppl. It is an aweful thing. Especially the look in my parents eyes...

Anyway..
I liked this piece.
But the end was my favorite.
Seemed the most powerful to me.

The first stanza was good, BUT it seemed a little cliche, and uneccesary to the rest of the piece.
Maybe if you re-word it...
~Lex

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2004-02-16 10:43 AM

This was really good. I don't even know what to say. It was very powerful and much enjoyed. Thanks for the read.
Jen

Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2004-02-16 09:21 PM

ya i'm gonna go back and redo the first stanza. i'm not pleased with it. needs more imagery or something...thanks for all the comments ladies

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

4 posted 2004-02-19 03:50 PM

"I'll watch the red rose cry blood for you
Dripping down the stem to stain the night."

I liked these two lines, they just really stood out to me. The ending was sweet.
~Vampire Kisses

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

Ixxi
Member

since 2004-01-02

Posts 77
England

5 posted 2004-02-19 04:02 PM

The whole thing was very cleverly written. I liked it, it's quite good. *thumbs up*

Censored
Member

since 2004-04-11

Posts 86

6 posted 2004-04-28 10:13 PM

"I'll watch the red rose cry blood for you
Dripping down the stem to stain the night."

love that line.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

7 posted 2004-04-29 06:47 PM

Yea...Wow....I am also speechless. GREAT JOB!!!!!! I loved this poem...it was amazing.

~Alli~

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

8 posted 2004-04-29 09:02 PM

this is very nicely written

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