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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Invisible |
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chinadude89 Junior Member
since 2004-02-03
Posts 31Texas |
No relative ever sees me. No relative ever hears me. No one tells me anything. No one ever speaks to me. I don't like this life of invisibility. This loneliness which has empowered me. Only my friends have rid such sorrow. May God bless them for their good deed! I am never happy without their company, Their jokes, Their care. They understand my solitary life, My ignored life. I want a different family. I want a different life. I don't want to be invisible. [This message has been edited by chinadude89 (02-09-2004 07:04 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Phil T. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ixxi Member
since 2004-01-02
Posts 77England |
I know how you feel man, my family never cared about me either, my friends were the only things I could cling on to. Good poem, I saw some genuine emotion in there. Keep writing and it might ease the pain a little. x |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
Sad topic, but many can relate. I like it, and the only thing I am going to say is that sometimes it sounds out of place when words like "thee" are just thrown into writings. If the whole poem is written in such a manner, then it is natural and beautiful, but "thee" standing alone, at least in this case, sounds almost like a forced rhyme, and sticks out like a sore thumb. Just something to think about! Thanks for sharing! "Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi |
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chinadude89 Junior Member
since 2004-02-03
Posts 31Texas |
thanks for the comment savage, i never really thought of it that way! ill change it right away! Phil |
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