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Teen Poetry #7
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young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2004-02-07 09:19 PM


I saw a special boy today,
one with big, thick glasses
and a plain round face that
complimented his bald head.
this boy was so emotionless
until his father left for a minute,
then the boy burst into tears,
this boy loves his father more than i ever will.
if only i could understand love
and nothing else in the world,
i would be wiser than anyone,
i would love you dad, with all my heart.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

© Copyright 2004 Alex Lewis - All Rights Reserved
keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
1 posted 2004-02-08 07:16 PM


This poem was different. I liked that at first. It was odd and then at the end went in a different direction. Keep writing and I hope your relationship with your father improves.

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

drummerboy678
Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134

2 posted 2004-02-08 09:58 PM


Young-
Hey man, this one was definetly different.  Especially compared to all your other poems.  Not bad, just different.

Although, I do have to say that I think I like your others better.  This one just seemed a little too simple.  Like you were rushed when your wrote it or something.

I like the shift you have, but it still just seems a little too simple.


(Still, a lot better than many I see here).


young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
3 posted 2004-02-10 08:06 PM


ya it was strange. it was just kinda written in 5 seconds, meaning more to me than anyone else. thanks for the feedback though.
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