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Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

0 posted 2004-02-06 09:57 PM

Maybe I'm wishing on a dying star.
Burning out from all the burdens I've thrust upon it.
Maybe everyone just wants me to be better.
Well maybe I already am.
Twitching limbs.
I think I'm scared.
Me and the tree are twins.
Easily shaken by these abrupt winds.
I give in to your every whim.
These stupid words shake the air.
Paying for my revival, my resurection back into life.
And she just stares, motivated by the stench of cash rotting in her wallet.
Payed to save my soul.
She puts it in a test tube and has me analyze it.
Throwing nickels,
all for sympathies sake.
Taking little pills that jingle as they go down.
Igniting the yellow inside my stomach.
The glow touches the edges of my heart...
no further.

" If you never stop when you wave goodbye, you just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again."

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2004-02-06 10:25 PM

Wow, this is a very strong, touching piece.
The fist two lines really got my attention, and I think they were my favorite, along with the last few.
As for the lines, "Maybe everyone just wants me to be better. Well maybe I already am."
If you're good enough for yourself, then you don't need to worry about anyone else.
Thanks for sharing, this ones going in my library.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

Savage Quiescence
Member

since 2002-07-29

Posts 326
Wandering

2 posted 2004-02-09 03:58 PM

I really like this one. The first two lines were great attention grabbers. I also enjoyed the lines,
"Payed to save my soul.
She puts it in a test tube and has me analyze it. "
I suggest changing
"Me and the tree are twins"
to "the tree and I are twins"
simply because it sounds more grammatically correct.. then again, I'm no English teacher so maybe I'm just making that up.

At any rate, I enjoyed this, thanks for sharing.

"Be the Change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi

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