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Teen Poetry #7
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pammy
Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 50
California

0 posted 2004-02-05 11:37 PM



When I stop adn think about the time we had,
and all that we have shared.
A smile comes to my face.
But then i look at now and wonder why you had to change.

You used to have so much love and always showed me care,
but now you have so much hate adn despise me for everything that i am.
What have i done or what did i do?
Why did you used to love me?

You  say you hate me because I'll never change,
then why did you used to care?
You want me to change now, but why did you love me for who i was last year


© Copyright 2004 Pamela Elizabeth! - All Rights Reserved
NightFall
Member
since 2004-01-28
Posts 88
The land known as England
1 posted 2004-02-06 08:01 AM


I like it very powerful and well written.
WinterWren
Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044
...Coming to
2 posted 2004-02-06 12:20 PM


Good write, maybe it could have been just alittle longer with more details, other than that, nice job.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
3 posted 2004-02-08 06:49 PM


Very emotion filled. But somewhat vague. Don't be afraid to open up a little more when you write. Hope you don't mind that I read this one. I think it is very good. You know where I am if you need anything. Hope you keep up the writing.Bye Poo :-)

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

Snickers123
Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 94
United States-Iowa
4 posted 2004-08-08 11:07 AM


I loved it, it was powerfull and i could relate to it, very nice.

~*.:Leah:.*~

moonguardian2004
Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 64
MA, USA
5 posted 2004-08-09 04:15 PM


Hey- Great job! I can defenitely relate to what you are going through. Keep smiling though. A few more details coulda brought out more meaning, but it was great! Keep it up

~*To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness for that is when stars shine oh so bright !~

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
6 posted 2004-08-09 04:59 PM


The flow felt a little off, and it could have ben more interesting if you used more imagery, but i liked the message, and i could feel the emotion. I can definetly relate.

Karissa

I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
7 posted 2004-08-28 09:20 PM


Yeah...the flow was off in some places.  Like one line was really long, and then the next line was really short.
But the feelings that you were able to express make up for that.
Overall, nice write...I hope to read more from you!

~Alli~

*:.AIM = Alli4000.:*
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened...

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