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Teen Poetry #7
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Have you ever?
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Have you ever? |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Have you ever opened your heart to someone and thought he was coming in…just to see him take one look and turn his back? Have you ever reached out and felt your fingers close over…fresh air. Have you ever tried to smile through the tears that don’t stop? Have you ever cursed yourself for letting it hurt? Have you ever been lost for words? Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be loved in return? Have you ever wondered if it will ever be more than a dream? Have you ever felt sick at the sight of his smile? Have you ever stood at the crossroads and not known how to walk on with him? Have you ever tried to break away and been relieved to fail? Have you ever seen your face in the mirror and want to cry? Have you ever thought of him and wondered why? Have you ever felt so scared at being touched that you tremble as you lie by his side? Have you ever hurt so much as when he told you it was all a mistake? Have you ever wanted to explain all this and not known how? Have you ever wondered why the hurt remains inside so long? Have you ever opened your heart to someone and not known how to close it again when he has walked away? Have you ever felt ashamed for begging him to stay? Have you ever searched for answers where answers have no place? Have you ever said goodbye and walked away when all you wanted was to be near him always? Have you ever… "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Btw I know the style of this one is a bit rubbish, but it was one of those poems when it's just a formless explosion of emotion. I think. Hehe. ~Liz~ "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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blood_red_summer Junior Member
since 2004-01-31
Posts 20 |
yeah youre right rubbish it was, it has nice ideas and lines but the repetition of that one line oh my norman i couldnt bring myslef to reading all of it write something with no structureand its funny noramlly i like repetition, i use it in my work alot |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
ignore those two..... they obviously dont know whats these feelings are like to some people...... i like the poem and it is really similar to one i have written myself.... except its called someone....... its really really nice... keep up with the writing... u have talent... Mel this is me.... like it or not.... |
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SweetStephanie Junior Member
since 2003-12-29
Posts 18Alabama, |
i like the poem it has a lot of feelings and heart! keep up the good work!!! **Sweet*Stephanie** |
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lone_rider Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19 |
Thats really mean Blood red summer!! I think that it was a great poem! I could really relate to it! Keep writing! It wasnt rubbish it was a gr8 poem!!! xoxo |
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drummerboy678 Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134 |
I wouldn't call him mean for saying what he thought of it. And "it", is good for what it is. An explosion of feelings. But in terms of any sort of poetry, I didn't really like this one. Some lines were good: Have you ever tried to smile through the tears that don’t stop? But most were just cliched and unoriginal. I know whats its like to just write your feelings down, but I cant see posting this on a forum for analysis. There's nothing to critique. Not trying to insult you, more the nature of this forum to always post positive comments on poems I bet some havn't even finished reading. Anyways, keep posting, because I like your poems. This just wasn't my favorite. |
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Evi Junior Member
since 2004-04-10
Posts 18 |
. xxx |
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xno4everx Junior Member
since 2004-04-08
Posts 14NY |
i liked the ideas presented in this piece i just think u can express them through a different style of poetry...overall i like it //..Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one..\\ |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
yes i have. and i am still trying to get over him... even though i dont want to. Have you ever started to fall in love, and then fall flat on you face? Thats my have you ever. I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
hasn't everyone.... simply yes i'm sitting in the dark....waiting... |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
It wasn't my favorite poem, but I liked it very much. ~Alli~ |
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Evi Junior Member
since 2004-04-10
Posts 18 |
Have you ever told him? Does he know? you should send him it. i loved it no exactly what you mean. Evi xxx |
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Evi Junior Member
since 2004-04-10
Posts 18 |
Have you Ever told him? Evi Xxx |
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sweet_cute_palestinian04 Member
since 2004-04-11
Posts 418Earth |
greattttttttt poem...but i wish i had all these answers to myself i need to find them and why??..welll ummmmmm i enjoied reading it and keep writting. ::^LOVE^:: |
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Ixxi Member
since 2004-01-02
Posts 77England |
I wasn't that keen on the over-use of repetition in this poem, but there are some really powerful feelings. I like it, but it's not the best. Don't take this the wrong way. Ixxi "Where paper cuts, and bloody hands, In the middle, they will meet" |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
yes...I have  I know this ache too well.... |
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Cloud 9 Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980Ca |
Yep! This used to sound familiar. |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
MMm well I liked alot of the ideas in this but the repetition was alittle much. It's not rubbish but I think that if you used these same ideas in a different form than THAT much repetition it could have alot of potential! Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't. |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Bah. Don't trash yourself! It's from the heart, and it's an experience we can pretty much all symp. with (with a little imagination, me being male and all). I thought it was a wonderful piece of work, and no mere, "rubbish." Keep writing from the soul, and you'll never lack for readers. -Rich "I'm burning in the heavens, |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Thanks for the replies everybody...never thought I would see the day when this old chestnut resurfaced! Lizzie. |
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Savage Quiescence Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326Wandering |
You know what I liked about this? As I was reading it, I had this vision of a girl, her face stained with tears, standing over a guy with her face only inches from his, screaming each and every line as he sat helplessly engulfed in the pain he had caused her. She was trying to hurt him with her words but couldn't conceal the love she felt for him, and they escaped .. Have you ever tried to break away and been relieved to fail? Thanks for sharing. |
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