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Teen Poetry #7
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sweet_lost_palestinian1
Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 90


0 posted 2004-01-28 10:48 PM


i really want to have someone that could love...
i reallly want some-1 that could feel my pain.

but who should i call?
who should i call to help me forget all my pain,

who can i call to stand up for me??
im not saying i want everything to be perfect but i would like to have some-1 to make me forget..

to forget the pain to forget thedeath and rememeber that im living now..

i love the world and its nature but i dont like the people that hate.i dont like, the people that will never put themseleves in others
..

u get me??.

© Copyright 2004 sweet_lost_palestinian1 - All Rights Reserved
drummerboy678
Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134

1 posted 2004-01-29 08:19 PM


Well, I'm going to answer this, but not because you titled it "Respond pleeeeeeeeeease".  In fact, if I dont think its possible to respond to all your poems, because you post so many of them, all with the same general headings.  And personally, I'm not seeing much differences between each of the poems you post on these forums.

Please, just try to take your time with one, and then post it after you've worked hard on it.  I know these poems are more personal, and just a way to vent, but as far as poetry goes, its pushing the term.
Read every poem you've written, and I'm pretty sure in every single one, you will see either the word "love", "hate", or "pain."  These are all cliches, and even if they are the main emotions you feel, try describing them differently.

I hope you dont take offense to this, only realize that people here can say "great job" and "i can relate to that" all they want, but if you want comments that will really help, try posting a poem that you really work hard on.


Thanks,
Taylor

young_blood
Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN
2 posted 2004-01-29 08:46 PM


i agree with taylor
sweet_lost_palestinian1
Member
since 2004-01-08
Posts 90

3 posted 2004-01-30 12:13 PM


well..umm thxx for ur reply and i know my mistakes i willl try to fix them but u dont understand ,im trying to bring something out to people ..plzz read them again thanks ..
ascending_ecstasy
Member
since 2004-01-21
Posts 102

4 posted 2004-02-01 12:05 PM


i agree with all of the above.
greco
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 85
buffalo ny
5 posted 2004-02-01 12:13 PM


yes i completly agree i dont know what you are looking for in poetry or what you are looking to get out of it
if you are just writing for the heck of it great but a poem takes hours sometimes months years to perfect
try some other styles and see which one fits you best
thanks

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone

aussie teen
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396
Australia
6 posted 2004-02-03 05:12 AM


on some levels i agree with taylor but poetry doesnt always take very long to write or even perfect... if you pick and pull at it it takes away from the origional meaning and it doesnt help with emotions and feelings you are trying to sort through...
this was a great piece the way it is, and i relate to it in many ways....
keep up the writing.... mabe hold off for a while when you are postin trhe poems though..
keep it up
Mel

this is me.... like it or not....
its who i am!
i am woman hear me roar

Essential Distress
Junior Member
since 2004-01-22
Posts 33

7 posted 2004-02-04 04:53 AM


yep.

i agree.

well done to taylor for voicing all of our opinions in such a direct an non offensive manor!

*claps*

yeah.

people wont take your writing as seriously if you post 5 poems a day that are essentially the same.


chicken
Junior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 44

8 posted 2004-02-05 12:40 PM


hey presto a wonderful wonderful piece of poetry!
Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
9 posted 2004-02-05 11:50 PM


I think you are doing a wonderful job, keep writing!!  your expressions and words are heartfelt and written! hugssss

I lie awake at night
I reach out to touch
Feel you by my side
I reach I never feel you
Will I ever get to feel you again
Just one more time

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