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Teen Poetry #7

I can feel you, Here

EverRuss
Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 66
Indiana

0 posted 2004-01-21 10:16 PM

Walking out the door my words freeze in the air,
I walk down the short driveway, too the car.
My Nova, re done by my close brother.
Inside its warm, comfort.
Along I drive, devouring little yellow lines
I make it to the highway, I start my journey
Rolling wheels are bringing her so close.
Its cold, too cold, but I love it.
The trees are close, dense.
I look over the mountain side, so high, yet so beautiful
Turns so many, the road is twisty
I've drove before, but the cold, the ice
My heart cant wait to see her.
My wheels arent going where Im stearing
Im so close i can feel her heart beat.
Oh Mountain side how close you seem
Almost ther I can feel you breath
Why is the mountain side so close?
Yes, Im there, I can hear her voice
Who are these people
Where is she?
Mountain side, you won't let me move
These voices say not to move
But Im slipping
They tell me to say it
And All I say is
Her name " "

If my poems could talk they would mean more than the words

Russell

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

1 posted 2004-01-21 10:20 PM

that was good, i liked it. the imagery is almost clear, your structure is pretty good, it doesn't need to be edited. well done, another of the best i've seen on this forum.

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2004-01-21 10:33 PM

The imagery was awesome in this. The only prblems I saw were a few spelling and typing errors. Other than that, it was really good.
Jen

Whoever said "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" obviously never loved.

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