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thinktwice
Member

since 2003-12-23

Posts 125
United States

0 posted 2004-01-21 05:27 PM

Cover myself
In all my pain
Someone hold me
Take my shame

No time for love
Just a distant dream
Nothing's left
But jaded memories

Ravaged my past
Toiled by confusion
Where is forgiveness found
in dreams only illusion?

Take my life
In a passing dream
Steal my attention
In painless reverie

Break my fall
Lossed my innocence
Give me my joy
Give me forgiveness

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

1 posted 2004-01-21 07:45 PM

I likes this. The meaning is well recieved.

No time for love,
just a distant dream.
Nothings left,
but jaded memories.

I love this part. It is so.. i dont know, i just like it! lol Keep up the good work! Hope to hear more soon!
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

2 posted 2004-01-21 08:52 PM

it was good, i enjoyed it, keep it up.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2004-01-21 10:50 PM

I really like this poem alot. You could hear the plea, but it wasn't self-pitying.
Excellent job, thank you for sharing.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

Snickers123
Member

since 2004-05-07

Posts 94
United States-Iowa

4 posted 2004-06-30 11:56 PM

Hey! I agree with all of them, you have talent keep writing, i hope to read more from you!!

~*.:Leah:.*~

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

5 posted 2004-07-01 02:11 AM

This was good. It creates an illusion of simplicity with the short stanzas, but at the same time, the words hold so much depth. That is sometimes a hard thing to do. Well done

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2004-07-01 02:53 AM

hmm...i didn't hate it, i didn't love it. the beginning like first three stanzas were awesome but then it got confusing for me, and the last one picked up the goodness again. i definetely liked the ending though.

bergundy

"Be who you want and do what you will, in the end those who matter won't mind, and those who mind won't matter." -Dr Suess- (a brilliant man)

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

7 posted 2004-07-01 05:33 PM

I agree with everyone when they say that they liked this poem. I understand what you were trying to say and you did a good job of making the poem flow. Keep Up The Good Job!!!

~Alli~

tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

8 posted 2004-07-01 05:37 PM

yeah I agree with all the above, I really enjoyed it! keep it up.

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

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