79' nova - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

EverRuss
Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 66
Indiana

0 posted 2004-01-20 05:32 PM

November sun rays drying up my face
Remembering what it was like around you
I dont know where Im going
Interstates taking me somewhere
Jeans are ragged had a little wear
Im thinkin about the wind in your soft hair
Breath is freezing told you I loved the cold
Told you Id always be there even when were old
Told me not to talk, Told me just to sing
Hang Around we're waiting for the spring

16 years has given a little more knowledge about me
Was a boy now a man now im running without you
My thoughts are blurred vision on the fluries
Thinking about you more as the snow comes down
Its scary no one around execpt the phone
The Waitress at the counter
Im afraid, Afraid of the lights,
Afraid of the sights, Afraid of the ghosts
Im letting it go in a '79 nova

City limits are just a thought of the past
My car is speeding all to fast
And i cant stop thinking about you
The ones i know dont know where I am
And i cant stop thinking about you!
Do you need a little space
A time and time and place
Meet you at the bar pull up in my car
Anything so Im not without you

Car wheels are spinning
Taking time forgetting about you
Spent a whole year dreaming and Im waking up
Lost and hopeless feeling Like i do not belong here
No i don't belong here

Keep rollin' Im never coming back
Hearts been stolen I'll never get it back
Goodbye, Not crying in my '79 Nova, goodbye

If my poems could talk they would mean more than the words

Russell

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2004-01-20 08:28 PM

this was a very good write. i'm surprised that no one has commented yet. anyway, you need to use some more punctuation to make it flow better.otherwise it was great.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

2 posted 2004-01-20 09:44 PM

Im really liking your poems. This one is very expressive, the imagery is wonderful. I agree about the punctuation though

.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

3 posted 2004-01-22 12:02 PM

That was pretty good, but your rhyming was forced. and your structure wasnt the greatest, work on these two and you will succeed.

EverRuss
Member

since 2003-12-31

Posts 66
Indiana

4 posted 2004-01-22 03:18 PM

ectasy i dont think you are picking up on my style. Its not the typical rhyming scheme type of poems. Mine are true feelings expressed in the most real way possible. There for, your comments on structure would only kill my poetry

If my poems could talk they would mean more than the words

Russell

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.